Below is a reprint of a former post of mine. It would appear another woman is missing. What does this woman looks like? Blonde hair, average height and build. Walked out of her office in Riverside Alabama at lunch and was never seen again although her car remained in the parking lot. Odd.
So here is my previous post and I have updated the timeline to include Kelley Howard in the list. I will update this post as new information is uncovered.
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Since October, 2008 or so, I have noticed reports of missing women and bodies found in and around Birmingham, Alabama. A couple of the missing women have been found alive. Women who decided to start over or were running from the law (such as the case of the Alabama woman who disappeared after being charged with child neglect or the Alabama preacher's wife who disappeared and then surfaced in New York living under an assumed name). But there are many who have not been found alive and well. There are also bodies that have been found but not identified. I have not included any of these women in my list below.
When I decided to write this post, I tried to find reports of these bodies and missing women, but could only come up with a few. Most of the time, I find the Internet highly over rated when it comes to research. Or at least FREE research. Honestly I think it's more of a "users" issue.
So below is the list I have been able to compile. I will update this list as necessary. Hopefully I can become more adept at "keywords" because apparently I kinda suck at it right now.
I have only gone back as far as 2006. However, when I have more time available, I intend to take a closer look at the years 1995 - 1999 because most of the missing women I have found were from that time period but right now, let's concentrate on more current dates. Fodder for my next post I suppose.
2006
Sherry Milton. Age 26, white-blonde - from Tuscaloosa. Disappeared 08/2006 while visiting in Birmingham. Her car was found the next day in the Ensley area (near the same spot that a more recent missing woman's - Nadia Kersh - car was found abandoned). Sherry was slender and had collar length light brown or dark blond hair (this is the most common thread among all of these women).
Lori Ann Slesinski. Age 24, white-brunette - from Auburn. Disappeared 06/2006. They found her brand new car on fire 5 days after she went missing. Again, slender with shoulder length blond hair.
2007
Britney Jenae Wright. Age 19, white-blonde - from Vernon. Disappeared 07/2007. She was last seen at her residence. All of her personal items were still there when the police investigated. She has not been seen or heard from since that date. She again fit the general description of the other women.
2008
Pamela Pendley. Age 42, white-blonde - from Hueytown. Disppeared while on a business trip to Pamama City, FL on 1/27/08
Lisa Green. Age 44, white-blonde - from Brookwood. Disappeared 07/2008 from a convenience store. Now Lisa is well over the "normal" age bracket if these are all connected. However, Lisa is a slender blond who easily could be mistaken for someone years younger in that she dressed & wore her hair in a style much younger than her age and her facial features belie her age well. Lisa was last seen at a grocery store in Brookwood.
Jennifer Lee Hampton. Age 21, white-blonde - from Florence. Disappeared 9/2008. Jennifer was last seen at a hotel where she was attending a conference for work. Same general physical description as the others.
Shannon Ellis. Age 31 - from Birmingham. Disappeared 9/2008. Had darker hair but otherwise is the same general physical description as the other ladies.
Nadia Kersh. Age 23, white-light brunette - from Homewood. Disappeared 10/2008. Her abandoned car was found blocks from where Sherry Milton's car was found. Same description. Slender, blond or light brown hair above the collar length.
Brianna Parish. Age 21, white-blonde - from Daphne. Disappeared 11/2008. Body located. Last seen at a local bar. Killer unknown.
Emily Phillips Milling. Age 23, white-blonde - from Leeds. Disappeared 11/2008. Body located. Suspect has been arrested but no conviction or confession at this time. Same description.
Layla Adkins. Age 32, white-blonde - from Leeds. Disappeared 11/13/08.
2009
In January a body of a young female was discovered just off Rocky Ridge Road. She was nude and her clothes were near her body. She has not as of yet been identified. Police have stated that she was not at her location for very long after her death. (NOTE: THIS YOUNG LADY WAS AN AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE WHICH DEFIES ALL CONNECTION WITH THE OTHER LADIES. HOWEVER, AS NO ONE HAS YET TO BE ARRESTED FOR THIS, I AM LEAVING HER ON THIS LIST).
1/09/09
Sherry Ann Sellers, white blonde, age 50, average height and build. Missing from Norther Tuscaloosa county.
6/02/2009
Kelley Howard, white-blonde and of average height and build. She left her place of employment at lunch. She has not been seen or heard from again. Her car remained in the parking lot.
That's all that I have been able to find from the general area at this point. How many more are out there that I have not been able to find out anything about? My rule of thumb has always been if I can find 1 then there are probably 2 more out there. Also, there are numerous others in bordering states along the border with Alabama that I have not included such as Florida, Mississippi and Tennessee. I haven't even looked at Georgia.
None of the above may be related or they may all be related. Also, there are other missing women and found bodies, that I have run across during my informal searches that I neglected to bookmark and now cannot find them.
Alabama doesn't have the history of making serial killers that some other states "enjoy". We had a few home grown serial killers. Daniel Siebert (killed 13 total - 5 of which were actually in Alabama), Donald Wayne Darling (I can't find a total on his victims) and Jack Trawick (6 known kills). We had the 18 year old girl (from Alabama) and her much older husband who traveled around Alabama and the surrounding states killing people and then in the early 1900's we had the infamous "Axe killing" serial killers. These were a small group of black men who roamed Birmingham, Alabama killing folks with an axe. I guess I should include Rhonda Belle Martin in this list. I hesitate only because she killed only family members. She poisoned 6 and attempted to poison another 9 before she was caught and eventually executed in 1957.
Am I excited about the possibility of an Alabama serial killer on the loose? Lord no! However, I am curious about it. As I said before, I will research the '90's timeline and see what else I can come up with. Maybe the northwest and states with cold/wet climates are not the only places that breed serial killers? We shall see.
Be on the lookout for updates on this subject. Gruesome as it may sound, this subject matter intrigues me greatly. I mostly hang with the ultra liberal crowds and our hottest debates have always been about environment causing predatory behavior.
You see I believe that predatory behavior and the ability to act upon that behavior, is born - not caused in 99% of these cases. I believe that people are just more evolved animals who, for the most part, have learned how to restrain their basal animal instincts or channel it into more socially acceptable ways.
However, from time to time there comes along the human who for whatever reason either cannot or will not restrain that urge. When that occurs ultimately a serial killer is born into our society.
I never understood people who were shocked at this occurrence. After all it is animal nature to prey on the weaker animals. Only in the (true)animal kingdom is it done normally just for food or survival. Somehow once it crosses over into the human arena, it becomes more for sport than survival. It's more a case of "I do it because I can" scenario.
That is the part that intrigues me. The total and complete lack of empathy for their victims. The part of them that actually enjoys the pain and fear that they are inflicting upon their victims. The complete and utter control they have over their victim(s). The part of them that doesn't even attempt to explain their behavior. the "it is what it is" kind of attitude.
Many of these killers mouth excuses "my parents beat me" or "I felt I had no control in my life and this gave it back to me" but I have always felt they were simply mouthing what they had read or what shrinks had told them as a last ditch effort to either make themselves appear less of a monster or as an attempt to influence their possible future endeavors to either get out of prison or at a minimum off death row.
Then you have the unbelievably evil and frightening people like David Parker RAY and Cindy HENDY a/k/a the "Toy Box Killers". Of all of the serials, David and Cindy are perhaps the most frightening of the lot if for no other reason than the shear enjoyment they felt for this "hobby" and also for the fact that they lived in total obscurity for decades before being caught.
We can study these killers from here to eternity and we will never know how to actually spot them early on and prevent them from allowing their killer instincts to run rampant. We simply must admit and accept the fact that there are people born into this world with this need and drive to kill & torture. The best that we can hope for is that we will be more vigilant in protecting ourselves from them and in our ability to catch them early.
But that's just me.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
My last blog
This may very well be my last blog. No one apparently reads it. I keep a journal so why on earth would I need to blog?? Just in case this is my last blog.........enjoyed it while it lasted! See ya later!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Crazy Dog Lady??
In my life I have experienced more than my fair share of death. Beginning when my brother and I found our grandfather shortly after he committed suicide by shotgun when I was 7. Since then, I have had 3 husbands die; my father; my best friend in the whole world; 3 boyfriends (3 seems to be the magic number with me doesn't it?); my beloved sister & the usual aunts, uncles, classmates. Yet, I carried on and dealt with each of them. Of the above deaths, my sister's death has affected me the most I think. However, with the exception of my sister, none of these has affected me nearly as much as the recent deaths of my 2 dogs. How strange is that?
Cole (short for Nat King Cole) was a 158 pound black Huskador. Gorgeous dog. Each of his eyes were half sky blue. He was handsome and so very smart. I bought him and his twin sister (Bennett - short for Tony Bennett) when they was 6 weeks old way back in 1997 and Cole was my shadow until June, 2009 when I had to have him put down. Bennett accidentally hung herself trying to jump a fence when she was about 2. Unfortunately, had she not done this, I would have had to have her put down because she was EXTREMELY mean.
Quincy (short for Quincy Jones) was a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Thick red hair, I called him my Irish boy. Smartest dog I've ever seen. Of the two, he was by far the most attached to me and I was the most attached to him. Cole loved me but Quincy adored me. I rescued Quincy back in 1997 from my mother. Quincy was born in 1994 and for the first years of his life, he lived in my mother's yard. She lived in the country on some acreage and he had the full roam of it. However, she wasn't the best at making sure he had food and water and she never allowed him to come inside no matter how harsh the weather might be. She didn't pet him or spend time with him. Finally, on Thanksgiving in 1997, my daughter and I went outside to play with him and noticed that his water bowl was frozen solid and there was not a sign of food anywhere. We looked at one another and put him in our car and took him home to Memphis and he stayed with me until May, 2009 when I had to have him put down.
The hardest two things I have ever had to do was have these guys put down. I struggled with both of them longer than I should have for their sakes.
Quincy had glaucoma to the point where he couldn't see 2 inches in front of his face any longer; his hips had gone out on him and towards the end he could only drag his back feet; he had suffered from diabetes for the past 3 years requiring twice daily shots of insulin; he had become incontinent. The last 4 months of his life, he was in considerable pain all the time.
Within 2 weeks after Quincy died, Cole developed bone cancer in his shoulder. The last week of his life all he could do was lay around. He could no longer walk to the yard to do his business, he had the most difficult time walking anywhere. He was in a lot of pain.
I find it more than coincidental that Cole would develop cancer shortly after Quincy died.
Cole and Quincy were two peas in a pod for over a decade. You never saw one without the other. They took their doctor visits together, they took their naps together, they played together, they lay side by side in the yard and watched the world together.
When I lived on a lake, every morning they would go down to the lake and Quincy would lay on the dock while Cole swam in the lake, then they would go for a run for an hour or so until time for me to call them in so I could go to work. They always came back together. There were times when a pack of stray dogs would come into our land and Cole and Quincy would stand side by side as they backed those strays off and oftentimes it would come to a fight and Cole and Quincy would be slugging it out side by side. They always won.
Every Sunday for over a decade, I would put them in my car and we would go for a ride. Sometimes it would only be for an hour and sometimes we would ride all afternoon. Always, we would stop at either Sonic or Burger King afterwards where I would buy them each a bag of french fries (I know - not good for them) and once they had eaten their fries, we would head for the house.
It was amazing at the shear volume of words they completely understood. It wasn't the "tone" of my voice that they understood or body language - they completely understood much of what I said. My children and friends used to try so hard to trick them by saying words they were familiar with in different tones or by going into another room and saying something like "want to go for a ride?" to see if they got reactions and they always did. They could be sound asleep and if I said "want to go for a ride?" or "treat" or "bedtime" or any hosts of other sentences with which they were familiar, they would immediately jump up and pay attention. They understood. You'll never convince me otherwise.
I have had a lot of emotional pain in my life as has everyone. For 12 years whenever I cried, no matter where they were, they would always come to me and comfort me. They slept in my bed, they went with me whenever I visited friends, they went with me on vacations, they went with me to the park, they went with me whenever I had to go the doggie grocery store so they could pick out their food and treats, they even attended my dinner parties that I used to have at my house as well as my yearly Christmas parties. They knew to never get around people food or close to people when they were eating. They would get a safe distance away and would both sit there side by side watching people eat but they would never approach the people or get near the food. I could put a plate filled with steak on the floor and walk outside and when I came back they would be sitting at a distance staring at it, but they would not touch it. I would like to say I taught them this, but I didn't. It was just a natural thing that they knew. They knew if they were good when the people were eating that I would reward them afterwards and I always did. They were the best friends I have ever and will ever have.
I told them everything and they listened. That's the greatest thing about dogs. They listen to whatever you want to tell them and they never ever pass judgment or try to give you advise or tell you how silly or stupid you are for feeling that way. They just maintain eye contact and listen and then once you're finished, they give you lovin.
Quincy used to sing with me and Cole used to love to dance with me. We used to sit by the lake and after we moved from the lake, they would sit on my deck with me, for hours each of us in our own thoughts. Quincy on one side of me and Cole on the other. We'd sit there for hours and watch the sun go down over the lake and the geese on the water. No need for conversation. We were just enjoying the view and the company. Occasionally I would pet them and occasionally they would lick my hand. We were just comfortable being together.
I couldn't go with them when it came time for each of them to die. I just couldn't. They loved me and trusted me to always take care of them and I felt that I had let them down. I just couldn't go. My son in law (God love him) did it for me. They are both buried in my daughter and son in laws back yard beneath a tree.
When I first got them, I asked the vet what their life expentancies were and he said that for Cole it would be 6-8 years and for Quincy it would be 8-10 years. Cole made it 12 years and Quincy made it 15 years. I'm thankful about that but I sure wish they could have made it much longer.
I can't tell you how much I miss these guys. I have since found two strays puppies and have taken them in. They are cute. They aren't Cole and Quincy. I try to love them but I compare them constantly to Quincy and Cole. They will never be as handsome or as smart or as good as Quincy and Cole. If I live to be 1000 years old I will never again find dogs as smart and good as them.
Quincy was always a good dog. His only vices were the litter box (he loved brownies) and the garbage. I found that as long as I kept the kitchen garbage can empty and kept the litter box where he couldn't get to it, we were good. Those were his only shortfalls.
He had another issue which I wouldn't really call a shortfall and that was to open doors. Quincy loved my cats (Miss Billie Holliday and Hank). Whenever they wanted to go outside, Quincy would take his paw and hit the door knob until he heard it click and then he would take his mouth and pull the door open for them. Unfortunately, he never saw fit to shut it behind the cats so there was more than one time that I woke up in the morning to find the back door standing wide open. It became my habit after a period of time to make certain that the deadbolts were turned as well as the knobs before I went off to bed.
Cole, was a very BAD puppy for the first full 2 years of his life. He ate my inside plants, he ate my shoes, he ate my phones, he ate my extension cords (while they were plugged in) he ate a hole (literally) through to the outside brick in my den, he ate the frames around my kitchen door, he ate his glass water bowl, he ate my steam cleaner, he ate the siding off my house - getting the picture??? He was BAD. My vet had told me that if I could just not kill him until he was 2 he would be a great dog. I kept telling myself that every day after work when I would come home to find that he had gotten my closet door open and he was found surrounded by my shoes with one hanging out of his mouth. I kept telling myself that when I would have to come home at lunch everyday and clean the carpets because he had overturned all of my houseplants and played in the dirt. But the vet was right. When he was 2, he turned into the perfect dog. Never again did he chew anything he wasn't supposed to. Never did he do anything bad again for the rest of his life. He was the perfect dog.
When he was maybe 1-1 1/2 years old, I tried to keep he and Quincy in my back yard while I was at work (hoping to keep the damage inside my house to a minimum). I had a decent sized yard with a privacy fence all the way around. I also had an abundance of mature oak trees in the back yard which prevented sunlight from getting to the yard. A perfect place for them to be in the heat of summer. I bought them kiddie pools (one for each because they didn't care to share) and they would play in it - Cole liked to just lay in his.
I worked about 10 blocks from my house. EVERY day - EVERY day one of my neighbors would call me at work to tell me that Cole was at his house. I would get in the car and go home to find Quincy being a good dog in our back yard while Cole would be either at Bill's house or at Larry's house or next door at Steve and Tina's house being loved on and fed. We lived in a small very tightly knit neighborhood and we all had dogs that we were obsessive about. I would brag and brag about how good Quincy was not to get out and how bad Cole was to get out until one day Steve and Tina told me that Quincy got out every time Cole did BUT Quincy knew the sound of my car and whenever he would hear it rounding the corner, he would stop eating his treats and high tail it back to the back yard where he would be waiting for me - like a good dog. I spent every weekend and God knows how much money trying to fortify that fence so they couldn't get out. It never worked so they went back to staying in the house while I was gone.
God I miss those guys. I can't believe I'm using my blog to talk about it. I just can't seem to get over it. I still walk past their favorite places to lay and I think for just a second that I see them. They both liked to sit beneath my desk whenever I was on the computer, and still I am very careful as to where I put my feet because I don't want to step on them. I still think about it being time for Quincy's shots and I still sometimes hear the very distinctive sound of Cole's fingernails on the floor as he is walking to the bedroom at bedtime. I still have the last bottle of insulin and his needle in my fridge and I have Cole's pain medication in my purse. I don't think I'll ever get rid of either. It's all I have left of them.
For 12 years, every night of my life when it became 10 o'clock, Quincy and Cole would come to me and Quincy would bark and do this silly little dance he did where he would turn in quick circles and I knew it was time for bed. They would follow me as I turned off the lights and checked the doors and then they would run and jump on the bed each getting into their favorite spots. I started out with a full size bed when they were smaller, then I upgraded to a queen size and finally to a king size mattress. Cole was 158 pounds and Quincy was 112 so I had to have a bed large enough basically for 3 people and still I would wake up in the mornings clinging to the side of the bed to keep from falling off while they were sprawled out on my pillows. The last 2 year's of Quincy's life he could no longer jump onto the bed so I took an old rectangular coffee table, I cut the legs down some and then I put it at the foot of my bed so he could climb onto it and then onto the bed. The last 6 months or so of his life, he couldn't even do that any longer and he would just lay on a doggie bed that I had made for him which was next to my bed so I could reach my hand down and pet him.
Years ago, I discovered that if I kept the TV on tuned to the cartoon network while I was at work, they were very good all day. If I forgot - destruction would occur. If I had the TV on but on a different channel - destruction would occur. They liked their cartoons. When my son got out of the Army back in 2002, he came to live with me. I told him that the TV had to be on the cartoon network while I was at work and he laughed at me and said that was crazy. One day, he left the house while I was work and he turned off the TV. He came home and the house was in a shambles. He thought it was a fluke so the next day when he left the house, he left the TV on but it was not on the Cartoon Network - again shambles. So the next day he left the TV on cartoon network and when he got home - perfection. He became a believer at that point.
I used to think sometimes that it would be great when I could have the bed all to myself and when I didn't have to buy Quincy's insulin and needles anymore (not cheap) and when I didn't have to schedule my day around his shots and their bathroom breaks and when I didn't have to buy 100 pounds of dog food a month, 2 large boxes of treats a month and 60-62 cans of wet dog food a month. Not to mention the vet bills! The last year of his life, Cole had to have a very large tumor removed from his paw and Quincy had to have a super large tumor removed from his chest - neither of which was anywhere near cheap.
But I found the money for it somehow. I had to. They were my best friends. As melodramatic as it sounds, they were my soul mates. I've never had a person who loved me as much as they did or was as loyal as they were or as forgiving or as patient or as trusting. I never will. I love them with all of my heart and soul and I always will. I have turned into this crazy dog lady that I used to make fun of.
I remember many times working in offices when I would see a secretary with photo's of her dogs or cats plastered around her desk and I would think CRAZY. I would think how sad that they have pictures of animals on their desks and not people. They must be lonely souls. I didn't get it. Now I do. But I wish I didn't. This is more pain than I want or need.
My foster son (Dusty) lived with me off and on since 2002 and he loves to say that when he dies he hopes he comes back as one of my dogs because Cole and Quincy had a good life.
I hope they did. I tried as hard as I could to give them a good life. I just miss them more than I ever imagined I could ever miss anything or anyone (other than my sister).
Cole (short for Nat King Cole) was a 158 pound black Huskador. Gorgeous dog. Each of his eyes were half sky blue. He was handsome and so very smart. I bought him and his twin sister (Bennett - short for Tony Bennett) when they was 6 weeks old way back in 1997 and Cole was my shadow until June, 2009 when I had to have him put down. Bennett accidentally hung herself trying to jump a fence when she was about 2. Unfortunately, had she not done this, I would have had to have her put down because she was EXTREMELY mean.
Quincy (short for Quincy Jones) was a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Thick red hair, I called him my Irish boy. Smartest dog I've ever seen. Of the two, he was by far the most attached to me and I was the most attached to him. Cole loved me but Quincy adored me. I rescued Quincy back in 1997 from my mother. Quincy was born in 1994 and for the first years of his life, he lived in my mother's yard. She lived in the country on some acreage and he had the full roam of it. However, she wasn't the best at making sure he had food and water and she never allowed him to come inside no matter how harsh the weather might be. She didn't pet him or spend time with him. Finally, on Thanksgiving in 1997, my daughter and I went outside to play with him and noticed that his water bowl was frozen solid and there was not a sign of food anywhere. We looked at one another and put him in our car and took him home to Memphis and he stayed with me until May, 2009 when I had to have him put down.
The hardest two things I have ever had to do was have these guys put down. I struggled with both of them longer than I should have for their sakes.
Quincy had glaucoma to the point where he couldn't see 2 inches in front of his face any longer; his hips had gone out on him and towards the end he could only drag his back feet; he had suffered from diabetes for the past 3 years requiring twice daily shots of insulin; he had become incontinent. The last 4 months of his life, he was in considerable pain all the time.
Within 2 weeks after Quincy died, Cole developed bone cancer in his shoulder. The last week of his life all he could do was lay around. He could no longer walk to the yard to do his business, he had the most difficult time walking anywhere. He was in a lot of pain.
I find it more than coincidental that Cole would develop cancer shortly after Quincy died.
Cole and Quincy were two peas in a pod for over a decade. You never saw one without the other. They took their doctor visits together, they took their naps together, they played together, they lay side by side in the yard and watched the world together.
When I lived on a lake, every morning they would go down to the lake and Quincy would lay on the dock while Cole swam in the lake, then they would go for a run for an hour or so until time for me to call them in so I could go to work. They always came back together. There were times when a pack of stray dogs would come into our land and Cole and Quincy would stand side by side as they backed those strays off and oftentimes it would come to a fight and Cole and Quincy would be slugging it out side by side. They always won.
Every Sunday for over a decade, I would put them in my car and we would go for a ride. Sometimes it would only be for an hour and sometimes we would ride all afternoon. Always, we would stop at either Sonic or Burger King afterwards where I would buy them each a bag of french fries (I know - not good for them) and once they had eaten their fries, we would head for the house.
It was amazing at the shear volume of words they completely understood. It wasn't the "tone" of my voice that they understood or body language - they completely understood much of what I said. My children and friends used to try so hard to trick them by saying words they were familiar with in different tones or by going into another room and saying something like "want to go for a ride?" to see if they got reactions and they always did. They could be sound asleep and if I said "want to go for a ride?" or "treat" or "bedtime" or any hosts of other sentences with which they were familiar, they would immediately jump up and pay attention. They understood. You'll never convince me otherwise.
I have had a lot of emotional pain in my life as has everyone. For 12 years whenever I cried, no matter where they were, they would always come to me and comfort me. They slept in my bed, they went with me whenever I visited friends, they went with me on vacations, they went with me to the park, they went with me whenever I had to go the doggie grocery store so they could pick out their food and treats, they even attended my dinner parties that I used to have at my house as well as my yearly Christmas parties. They knew to never get around people food or close to people when they were eating. They would get a safe distance away and would both sit there side by side watching people eat but they would never approach the people or get near the food. I could put a plate filled with steak on the floor and walk outside and when I came back they would be sitting at a distance staring at it, but they would not touch it. I would like to say I taught them this, but I didn't. It was just a natural thing that they knew. They knew if they were good when the people were eating that I would reward them afterwards and I always did. They were the best friends I have ever and will ever have.
I told them everything and they listened. That's the greatest thing about dogs. They listen to whatever you want to tell them and they never ever pass judgment or try to give you advise or tell you how silly or stupid you are for feeling that way. They just maintain eye contact and listen and then once you're finished, they give you lovin.
Quincy used to sing with me and Cole used to love to dance with me. We used to sit by the lake and after we moved from the lake, they would sit on my deck with me, for hours each of us in our own thoughts. Quincy on one side of me and Cole on the other. We'd sit there for hours and watch the sun go down over the lake and the geese on the water. No need for conversation. We were just enjoying the view and the company. Occasionally I would pet them and occasionally they would lick my hand. We were just comfortable being together.
I couldn't go with them when it came time for each of them to die. I just couldn't. They loved me and trusted me to always take care of them and I felt that I had let them down. I just couldn't go. My son in law (God love him) did it for me. They are both buried in my daughter and son in laws back yard beneath a tree.
When I first got them, I asked the vet what their life expentancies were and he said that for Cole it would be 6-8 years and for Quincy it would be 8-10 years. Cole made it 12 years and Quincy made it 15 years. I'm thankful about that but I sure wish they could have made it much longer.
I can't tell you how much I miss these guys. I have since found two strays puppies and have taken them in. They are cute. They aren't Cole and Quincy. I try to love them but I compare them constantly to Quincy and Cole. They will never be as handsome or as smart or as good as Quincy and Cole. If I live to be 1000 years old I will never again find dogs as smart and good as them.
Quincy was always a good dog. His only vices were the litter box (he loved brownies) and the garbage. I found that as long as I kept the kitchen garbage can empty and kept the litter box where he couldn't get to it, we were good. Those were his only shortfalls.
He had another issue which I wouldn't really call a shortfall and that was to open doors. Quincy loved my cats (Miss Billie Holliday and Hank). Whenever they wanted to go outside, Quincy would take his paw and hit the door knob until he heard it click and then he would take his mouth and pull the door open for them. Unfortunately, he never saw fit to shut it behind the cats so there was more than one time that I woke up in the morning to find the back door standing wide open. It became my habit after a period of time to make certain that the deadbolts were turned as well as the knobs before I went off to bed.
Cole, was a very BAD puppy for the first full 2 years of his life. He ate my inside plants, he ate my shoes, he ate my phones, he ate my extension cords (while they were plugged in) he ate a hole (literally) through to the outside brick in my den, he ate the frames around my kitchen door, he ate his glass water bowl, he ate my steam cleaner, he ate the siding off my house - getting the picture??? He was BAD. My vet had told me that if I could just not kill him until he was 2 he would be a great dog. I kept telling myself that every day after work when I would come home to find that he had gotten my closet door open and he was found surrounded by my shoes with one hanging out of his mouth. I kept telling myself that when I would have to come home at lunch everyday and clean the carpets because he had overturned all of my houseplants and played in the dirt. But the vet was right. When he was 2, he turned into the perfect dog. Never again did he chew anything he wasn't supposed to. Never did he do anything bad again for the rest of his life. He was the perfect dog.
When he was maybe 1-1 1/2 years old, I tried to keep he and Quincy in my back yard while I was at work (hoping to keep the damage inside my house to a minimum). I had a decent sized yard with a privacy fence all the way around. I also had an abundance of mature oak trees in the back yard which prevented sunlight from getting to the yard. A perfect place for them to be in the heat of summer. I bought them kiddie pools (one for each because they didn't care to share) and they would play in it - Cole liked to just lay in his.
I worked about 10 blocks from my house. EVERY day - EVERY day one of my neighbors would call me at work to tell me that Cole was at his house. I would get in the car and go home to find Quincy being a good dog in our back yard while Cole would be either at Bill's house or at Larry's house or next door at Steve and Tina's house being loved on and fed. We lived in a small very tightly knit neighborhood and we all had dogs that we were obsessive about. I would brag and brag about how good Quincy was not to get out and how bad Cole was to get out until one day Steve and Tina told me that Quincy got out every time Cole did BUT Quincy knew the sound of my car and whenever he would hear it rounding the corner, he would stop eating his treats and high tail it back to the back yard where he would be waiting for me - like a good dog. I spent every weekend and God knows how much money trying to fortify that fence so they couldn't get out. It never worked so they went back to staying in the house while I was gone.
God I miss those guys. I can't believe I'm using my blog to talk about it. I just can't seem to get over it. I still walk past their favorite places to lay and I think for just a second that I see them. They both liked to sit beneath my desk whenever I was on the computer, and still I am very careful as to where I put my feet because I don't want to step on them. I still think about it being time for Quincy's shots and I still sometimes hear the very distinctive sound of Cole's fingernails on the floor as he is walking to the bedroom at bedtime. I still have the last bottle of insulin and his needle in my fridge and I have Cole's pain medication in my purse. I don't think I'll ever get rid of either. It's all I have left of them.
For 12 years, every night of my life when it became 10 o'clock, Quincy and Cole would come to me and Quincy would bark and do this silly little dance he did where he would turn in quick circles and I knew it was time for bed. They would follow me as I turned off the lights and checked the doors and then they would run and jump on the bed each getting into their favorite spots. I started out with a full size bed when they were smaller, then I upgraded to a queen size and finally to a king size mattress. Cole was 158 pounds and Quincy was 112 so I had to have a bed large enough basically for 3 people and still I would wake up in the mornings clinging to the side of the bed to keep from falling off while they were sprawled out on my pillows. The last 2 year's of Quincy's life he could no longer jump onto the bed so I took an old rectangular coffee table, I cut the legs down some and then I put it at the foot of my bed so he could climb onto it and then onto the bed. The last 6 months or so of his life, he couldn't even do that any longer and he would just lay on a doggie bed that I had made for him which was next to my bed so I could reach my hand down and pet him.
Years ago, I discovered that if I kept the TV on tuned to the cartoon network while I was at work, they were very good all day. If I forgot - destruction would occur. If I had the TV on but on a different channel - destruction would occur. They liked their cartoons. When my son got out of the Army back in 2002, he came to live with me. I told him that the TV had to be on the cartoon network while I was at work and he laughed at me and said that was crazy. One day, he left the house while I was work and he turned off the TV. He came home and the house was in a shambles. He thought it was a fluke so the next day when he left the house, he left the TV on but it was not on the Cartoon Network - again shambles. So the next day he left the TV on cartoon network and when he got home - perfection. He became a believer at that point.
I used to think sometimes that it would be great when I could have the bed all to myself and when I didn't have to buy Quincy's insulin and needles anymore (not cheap) and when I didn't have to schedule my day around his shots and their bathroom breaks and when I didn't have to buy 100 pounds of dog food a month, 2 large boxes of treats a month and 60-62 cans of wet dog food a month. Not to mention the vet bills! The last year of his life, Cole had to have a very large tumor removed from his paw and Quincy had to have a super large tumor removed from his chest - neither of which was anywhere near cheap.
But I found the money for it somehow. I had to. They were my best friends. As melodramatic as it sounds, they were my soul mates. I've never had a person who loved me as much as they did or was as loyal as they were or as forgiving or as patient or as trusting. I never will. I love them with all of my heart and soul and I always will. I have turned into this crazy dog lady that I used to make fun of.
I remember many times working in offices when I would see a secretary with photo's of her dogs or cats plastered around her desk and I would think CRAZY. I would think how sad that they have pictures of animals on their desks and not people. They must be lonely souls. I didn't get it. Now I do. But I wish I didn't. This is more pain than I want or need.
My foster son (Dusty) lived with me off and on since 2002 and he loves to say that when he dies he hopes he comes back as one of my dogs because Cole and Quincy had a good life.
I hope they did. I tried as hard as I could to give them a good life. I just miss them more than I ever imagined I could ever miss anything or anyone (other than my sister).
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Michael and Elvis
As everyone knows by now, Michael Jackson has passed away.
In my mind there are two people who forever changed the face of music by their popularity and by their unbelievable success and hard work. Those two people would be Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. Now don't get me wrong, there are others FAR more talented and innovative than these two. Many others. However, for whatever reason Michael and Elvis struck a cord with the common folks and as a result catapulted to the most outrageous success and immortal status.
Their individual endings were nearly exact. Both had placed their trust in a doctor who, I believe, abused that trust and both paid the ultimate price for it.
Both of these men were simple men. I realize they didn't live like simple men but in their hearts they were ordinary men who had accomplished extraordinary things. By ordinary simple men I mean this: In all the tabloids and "news" programs throughout the years you have never heard anyone ever say that either Michael Jackson or Elvis Presley was rude or mean to anyone. Never. You also never hear that either of them ever refused to help anyone when asked. Never.
You hear about their excesses and their weird behavior and their weight issues (Elvis too big - Michael too small) but never have you ever heard that either one of them ever abused anyone.
That brings up the children issue with Michael. I, for one, never believed those stories. I always felt that they were made up to extort money from Michael. Now, I am the first to admit that his having kids over all the time for sleep overs was inappropriate and beyond weird, but I don't believe he behaved inappropriately with them. I believe he took that time to act as a child with them and do the things he never got to do as a child. I really do. IF anything untoward happened with these children, I blame their parents for it because their parents placed those children in that position. I liken it to my taking my young child to the zoo and then unlocking the door to the lion's den and putting my child in there and walking away. Then when I come back, my child has been eaten alive and I want to punish the lion??? I know that is rather simplistic but truly the responsibility for our children's safety ultimately lies with the parent.
I am most certainly not saying that if Michael did something wrong with the children that he should not be punished - not at all. However, I don't believe he did anything other than play with them as if he were their age. Last time I checked being weird was not against the law.
Then you have Elvis. He was an overly kind and gentle man who, like Michael, never seemed to grow up. He, like Michael, paid (in my opinion) too much attention to what his parents said and always obeyed them without question. He, like Michael, lost the ability very early on to go out and have fun like all the other young people and had to resort to paying stores and amusement parks and theaters to shut down so that he and his friends could have fun or shop or watch a movie without being bothered. It's a shame really. I don't understand people's need to intrude on a stranger simply because they've seen them on TV or in the movies or heard their voice on a record. I have never understood that and I never will. What's the purpose of bothering them? Will they remember you 2 hours later? No. Will they become your BFF? Hell, no. They will look at you as a bother and a nuisance that you are and will wish you to go away and leave them in peace.
I can remember seeing Al Green, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Four Tops, Booker T, Rufus Thomas, Johnny Taylor, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley and others out and about in Memphis. I can remember seeing Elvis at the Cadillac dealership on Union Avenue where he bought his cars. No one bothered him. People would sneak peeks at him but no one approached him uninvited. No one invaded his space. The local folks loved him but we also knew that he wanted some space and we gave it to him. Elvis was very approachable and never was unkind to anyone who approached him but in my memory anyway, the only people I ever saw approach him were tourists.
I remember once sitting at the Arcade Restaurant on Main street in Memphis with my parents and my brother eating breakfast and Elvis walked in with Jerry Schilling and George Klein and some other older guy. They walked past us and sat in the booth behind us. My brother and I knew who Elvis was and we wanted to turn around in our seats and stare but our father put a stop to that quickly. He told us that Elvis was just another patron of the restaurant and that's the way he wanted it so we were to leave him to eat in peace and if he wanted to speak to us, he would. That was the opinion of everyone locally back then. And we respected that.
I hate it that Michael is gone. I remember when he was 6 and singing with his brothers. I remember when he was a teenager and came out with his first solo album (which I bought). I remember when he came out with Thriller (which I bought) I remember his entire life almost as if he were a cousin or something because we grew up together. Not together but at the same time. He was a year younger than me and I watched him from afar dating and marrying and falling from grace and climbing back up and I watched his successes and his failures. In a strange way, I will miss him. Even though I never knew him, I will miss him.
In a strange way, I miss Elvis. Whenever the world makes a genuinely nice person and that person is taken from us too soon, they will be missed as if we knew them intimately.
And in my opinion, both Michael and Elvis were genuinely nice people. May they both rest in peace.
In my mind there are two people who forever changed the face of music by their popularity and by their unbelievable success and hard work. Those two people would be Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. Now don't get me wrong, there are others FAR more talented and innovative than these two. Many others. However, for whatever reason Michael and Elvis struck a cord with the common folks and as a result catapulted to the most outrageous success and immortal status.
Their individual endings were nearly exact. Both had placed their trust in a doctor who, I believe, abused that trust and both paid the ultimate price for it.
Both of these men were simple men. I realize they didn't live like simple men but in their hearts they were ordinary men who had accomplished extraordinary things. By ordinary simple men I mean this: In all the tabloids and "news" programs throughout the years you have never heard anyone ever say that either Michael Jackson or Elvis Presley was rude or mean to anyone. Never. You also never hear that either of them ever refused to help anyone when asked. Never.
You hear about their excesses and their weird behavior and their weight issues (Elvis too big - Michael too small) but never have you ever heard that either one of them ever abused anyone.
That brings up the children issue with Michael. I, for one, never believed those stories. I always felt that they were made up to extort money from Michael. Now, I am the first to admit that his having kids over all the time for sleep overs was inappropriate and beyond weird, but I don't believe he behaved inappropriately with them. I believe he took that time to act as a child with them and do the things he never got to do as a child. I really do. IF anything untoward happened with these children, I blame their parents for it because their parents placed those children in that position. I liken it to my taking my young child to the zoo and then unlocking the door to the lion's den and putting my child in there and walking away. Then when I come back, my child has been eaten alive and I want to punish the lion??? I know that is rather simplistic but truly the responsibility for our children's safety ultimately lies with the parent.
I am most certainly not saying that if Michael did something wrong with the children that he should not be punished - not at all. However, I don't believe he did anything other than play with them as if he were their age. Last time I checked being weird was not against the law.
Then you have Elvis. He was an overly kind and gentle man who, like Michael, never seemed to grow up. He, like Michael, paid (in my opinion) too much attention to what his parents said and always obeyed them without question. He, like Michael, lost the ability very early on to go out and have fun like all the other young people and had to resort to paying stores and amusement parks and theaters to shut down so that he and his friends could have fun or shop or watch a movie without being bothered. It's a shame really. I don't understand people's need to intrude on a stranger simply because they've seen them on TV or in the movies or heard their voice on a record. I have never understood that and I never will. What's the purpose of bothering them? Will they remember you 2 hours later? No. Will they become your BFF? Hell, no. They will look at you as a bother and a nuisance that you are and will wish you to go away and leave them in peace.
I can remember seeing Al Green, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Four Tops, Booker T, Rufus Thomas, Johnny Taylor, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley and others out and about in Memphis. I can remember seeing Elvis at the Cadillac dealership on Union Avenue where he bought his cars. No one bothered him. People would sneak peeks at him but no one approached him uninvited. No one invaded his space. The local folks loved him but we also knew that he wanted some space and we gave it to him. Elvis was very approachable and never was unkind to anyone who approached him but in my memory anyway, the only people I ever saw approach him were tourists.
I remember once sitting at the Arcade Restaurant on Main street in Memphis with my parents and my brother eating breakfast and Elvis walked in with Jerry Schilling and George Klein and some other older guy. They walked past us and sat in the booth behind us. My brother and I knew who Elvis was and we wanted to turn around in our seats and stare but our father put a stop to that quickly. He told us that Elvis was just another patron of the restaurant and that's the way he wanted it so we were to leave him to eat in peace and if he wanted to speak to us, he would. That was the opinion of everyone locally back then. And we respected that.
I hate it that Michael is gone. I remember when he was 6 and singing with his brothers. I remember when he was a teenager and came out with his first solo album (which I bought). I remember when he came out with Thriller (which I bought) I remember his entire life almost as if he were a cousin or something because we grew up together. Not together but at the same time. He was a year younger than me and I watched him from afar dating and marrying and falling from grace and climbing back up and I watched his successes and his failures. In a strange way, I will miss him. Even though I never knew him, I will miss him.
In a strange way, I miss Elvis. Whenever the world makes a genuinely nice person and that person is taken from us too soon, they will be missed as if we knew them intimately.
And in my opinion, both Michael and Elvis were genuinely nice people. May they both rest in peace.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Reality TV & the kids they exploit
I simply could not let this firestorm about Jon & Kate slide by without adding my two cents worth.
Let's compare reality shows/kids for a minute.
You have Octo-mom who can't get anyone even remotely interested in having her on TV (she really should have shopped around BEFORE she got pregnant)
Then you have Jon & Kate. WOW! What a train wreck. When the show first aired and the babies were like 6 months old or something, I really liked the show. I hated the way Kate talked to Jon and slapped him on nearly every episode but I liked the chaos of their lives and I liked that they lived in a smallish house with crappy furniture and admittedly had neighbors, relatives and the like helping them with the kids. I liked that Jon seemed clueless as to what to do with the kids BUT he tried. However, I hated that no matter how hard he tried Kate was never satisfied.
Even back then, you could see where this was going. I just hoped I was wrong. I wasn't. I watched the show sporadically until one episode, Jon and Kate took all the kids to a toy store for Christmas shopping. Kate was SO publicly abusive to Jon (screaming at him across the aisles in front of a multitude of strangers, etc.) that I was so uncomfortable, I just couldn't watch it any more. I had also begun to tire of the way she talked badly about Jon to his children. She said things like "Daddy should help mommy more and maybe then mommy could have more time for you" things like that which were completely and utterly inappropriate comments to make to your children but especially inappropriate because they were on national TV.
Then there were the blatant snubs towards their families. Comments like "we just don't feel that it's appropriate that my parents be involved in the children's lives" WTF?? Apparently this "little spat" originated because Kate's parents (a preacher and his wife) got their church to gather up love offerings for the Gosslins when Kate was pregnant and what the Gosselins received was just not up to par with Kate's standards so she told her father to go back to his church members and tell them that either they can buy brand new all matching stuff OR they can just give them cash and they will do the shopping. He refused and Kate took all the love offerings and donated them to a thrift store. She then cut them out of their grandchildren's lives. Yet she travels the church circuit giving speeches (for a fat fee I might add) about how to have a large happy Christian family and marriage. Hmmmm.
Yet, as I stated, in the early episodes, I liked the fact that they didn't have a huge fancy house & didn't drive fancy cars. I liked the fact that Kate was so amazingly organized and so very adept at time management. I loved the fact that if Jon and Kate needed to go somewhere (without the kids) it took all morning to shuttle the kids to various relatives and friends before they could get on their way. They really seemed like a team back then.
It was painfully obvious who the team leader was, but they seemed to work well together regardless. It's not an issue with me if the woman is the "team leader". Not at all. There are people on this earth who need direction and others who give direction. It's just a fact of life. Jon obviously is one of those who needs the direction and Kate is one who loves giving it so I thought they were a good match. However, Jon always seemed to me to be the type of passive-aggressive person who would only take so much and then without overt warning would just go out and misbehave. Like when you're a teenager and your parents forbid you to hang out with a certain friend and you give them lip service but still you sneak around and hang with them anyway? Apparently, I was correct in my assumption because it appears that is exactly what Jon has done.
Who can blame him really? I know what he did was inappropriate at best. He is the one who committed to this marriage/arrangement and as such he should either honor that commitment or get out altogether. You truly can't have it both ways. Now I'm not saying he "did anything" with those women he has been photographed with while he hung out at bars until all hours of the morning. I'm not. However, when you're married, you should avoid even the appearance of cheating at all costs. That's one of the unwritten rules about being married. He chose to ignore that rule and now he is paying the price. Unfortunately so are the children.
I found myself on a site that had a montage of photographs of this family throughout the years. There were about 80 of them altogether. As I skimmed through them, I was struck by the fact that in every single photo, one of the twins (who knows which one) never smiled. In every single photo, she looked angry and sullen. I then thought about the episodes I had watched and it dawned on me that even on the show, this child (again I forget the child's name) was always the one that created a scene. Always the one who talked back to her mother and was rough with the smaller kids. Do her parents not see this??
Then shortly before the "scandal" broke out about Jon, I found myself flipping through channels and I saw they were on. I hadn't watched in a long while so I decided to give it a try since the kids had grown so much. To my amazement and astonishment, there they were in this million dollar home with Kate in the kitchen cooking breakfast with her perfectly coiffed hair and dressed impeccably. No sweats, tee shirts and make up free face for this "reality" mom. I'm sure every mother of 8 gets up on a Saturday and before she feeds her brood of children, puts on her makeup, dresses in designer jeans and a designer sweater and does her hair so she can cook pancakes for her children while wearing cute little high heel boots. Silly me!
I didn't watch it long because it was just sad. The kids were squabbling, Kate was dressed to kill, Jon was outside playing with the dogs and their interaction with one another and the kids just seemed all so fake and forced. Then maybe 2 weeks later the "scandal" broke and I thought "now I get it".
The kids are no longer a happy bunch of kids who seem oblivious to the cameras. Jon and Kate no longer seem to be a team. Their life no longer seems admirable or even interesting. Who cares about peeking into the lives of a family who lives in a million dollar home and wears designer clothes and their children who appear starved for affection and privacy? Not I.
There is another show on TLC about an Arkansas couple with 18 kids. A family called the Duggans. I have watched this show since its inception as well. As with Jon and Kate, I grew tired of it after a while and began to catch it about once or twice a year just to see what's changed.
These people are either Academy material or they really are a close loving family. Never do you ever hear mom and dad take barbs at one another. Never do you see the kids literally fighting to get someone's attention. The older kids help the younger kids without having to be told and seemingly without resentment.
Mom and dad don't raise their voices and they don't belittle. They dish out discipline and lessons with an even tone and follow with hugs and "I love you's". Mom and dad hug one another and praise one another (and the children) numerous times in each episode. They laugh and smile often and seem to genuinely love one another.
They also live in a very large house when on the first year or so they lived in a tiny house. However, the difference is, they built the large house and they paid cash for it as they went along. They got the entire family, their church, their neighbors, their friends and relatives involved in building this house. TLC came in after the house was maybe 60% finished and helped finish it out and decorate it but this family did the rest without the aid of "commercial backers".
Their show follows mom and dad as they go to thrift stores to buy their kids clothes and toys. It follows them to the grocery store where they buy in bulk. It follows them on family trips where they pack their old school bus with enough food and snacks that they don't have to stop at restaurants to eat. It shows them pinching every penny they come across and making every cent count.
I'm sure they get commercial "freebies" like TLC coming in and finishing their home up for them. However, it's not as in your face and prevalent as Jon and Kate's situation. I get the feeling that if I were to drive up to their front door and ask to drop off a few bags of gently worn clothing that the mom would flash that big smile of hers and thank me for the gift. I feel equally as strong that should I drive up to Kate's house and extend the same offer, I would be escorted off the property by security.
I just generally like the Arkansas family so much better. Their kids seem happy and content and well loved and well cared for. The parents are never seen without at least one kid in tow. Usually many more than one. And they seem to honestly give these kids attention. Not like Kate who seems annoyed whenever she is trying to talk to the camera and one of her kids tries to interrupt. Arkansas mom (I don't remember their first names) takes the interruption with a smile and a soft voice.
To sum up their parenting ability, I would like to go back to when they were finishing up their house. At the time TLC arrived on board the upstairs rooms had not been framed out yet. They sat down with the family and asked them how many bedrooms they wanted upstairs for the kids. The parents said they felt that was something the kids should decide. The kids had their little meeting and their decision was they wanted TWO bedrooms. One for the girls and one for the boys. There was none of this "I want my own room" stuff. They all wanted to still be in the same room with one another. Their only request was that the boys and girls not have to share a bathroom. I was blown away!
My problem with kids on reality TV is the exploit factor. It is painfully obvious to me that at least one of Jon and Kate's kids resents the exposure. She obviously wants to be able to enter her teenage years without a camera in her face and without the sign of celebrity that hangs over her head all the time. Jon and Kate are in for a world of hurt when these kids reach their teenage years. Kate will discover really quickly that she will not be able to control them and they will not respect her. She is concentrating so hard on her "career" and celebrity status that she is sacrificing her parental bond with these kids. Kids may be slow but they're not stupid. They either already know or will soon discover that they are the breadwinners in that family and they will use that to their advantage. Kate will be outnumbered and since she doesn't have the kind of relationship with her kids where they can talk about anything OFF CAMERA, she will find herself in another Jon situation whereby she won't know what they're doing until the Enquirer tells her about it. By then, it's too late.
She cut her parents off because they gave her crappy presents and don't think that her kids won't cut her off at some point for some equally stupid reason. She is raising them to be callous and materialistic and to think that they are more special than anyone else and she will unfortunately reap the rewards for her behavior.
The Duggans, I think, will get their kids raised to a certain age and then they will disappear into the sunset where they will enjoy their grand kids and each other for the rest of their lives. Mr. Duggan still sells real estate. Unlike Jon, Mr. Duggan kept a job through this entire thing. He is smart enough to know that one day this will all go away and he will still have a family to provide for.
I hate that all of this has happened to Jon and Kate, I really do. I honestly was cheering for them for the first couple of years of their show. I honestly wanted this to have the happiest of endings. Unfortunately, I don't think it will. I think Kate will divorce Jon and marry someone more befitting her celebrity status. Perhaps her bodyguard? (or maybe not - after all he is the "help") Jon will go on to live a college guy lifestyle whereby he can hang out in the bars with all these young folks and date young girls and only sporadically keep a job. Kate will belittle him every time she opens her mouth around the kids and will give her kids caustic messages to give to their daddy when they spend the weekend with him. Eventually the gravy boat will disappear and Kate will find herself (unless she marries extremely well) back working at a hospital just to keep the lights on.
It's sad and I hate it. But that's the way life goes.
But that's just me.
Let's compare reality shows/kids for a minute.
You have Octo-mom who can't get anyone even remotely interested in having her on TV (she really should have shopped around BEFORE she got pregnant)
Then you have Jon & Kate. WOW! What a train wreck. When the show first aired and the babies were like 6 months old or something, I really liked the show. I hated the way Kate talked to Jon and slapped him on nearly every episode but I liked the chaos of their lives and I liked that they lived in a smallish house with crappy furniture and admittedly had neighbors, relatives and the like helping them with the kids. I liked that Jon seemed clueless as to what to do with the kids BUT he tried. However, I hated that no matter how hard he tried Kate was never satisfied.
Even back then, you could see where this was going. I just hoped I was wrong. I wasn't. I watched the show sporadically until one episode, Jon and Kate took all the kids to a toy store for Christmas shopping. Kate was SO publicly abusive to Jon (screaming at him across the aisles in front of a multitude of strangers, etc.) that I was so uncomfortable, I just couldn't watch it any more. I had also begun to tire of the way she talked badly about Jon to his children. She said things like "Daddy should help mommy more and maybe then mommy could have more time for you" things like that which were completely and utterly inappropriate comments to make to your children but especially inappropriate because they were on national TV.
Then there were the blatant snubs towards their families. Comments like "we just don't feel that it's appropriate that my parents be involved in the children's lives" WTF?? Apparently this "little spat" originated because Kate's parents (a preacher and his wife) got their church to gather up love offerings for the Gosslins when Kate was pregnant and what the Gosselins received was just not up to par with Kate's standards so she told her father to go back to his church members and tell them that either they can buy brand new all matching stuff OR they can just give them cash and they will do the shopping. He refused and Kate took all the love offerings and donated them to a thrift store. She then cut them out of their grandchildren's lives. Yet she travels the church circuit giving speeches (for a fat fee I might add) about how to have a large happy Christian family and marriage. Hmmmm.
Yet, as I stated, in the early episodes, I liked the fact that they didn't have a huge fancy house & didn't drive fancy cars. I liked the fact that Kate was so amazingly organized and so very adept at time management. I loved the fact that if Jon and Kate needed to go somewhere (without the kids) it took all morning to shuttle the kids to various relatives and friends before they could get on their way. They really seemed like a team back then.
It was painfully obvious who the team leader was, but they seemed to work well together regardless. It's not an issue with me if the woman is the "team leader". Not at all. There are people on this earth who need direction and others who give direction. It's just a fact of life. Jon obviously is one of those who needs the direction and Kate is one who loves giving it so I thought they were a good match. However, Jon always seemed to me to be the type of passive-aggressive person who would only take so much and then without overt warning would just go out and misbehave. Like when you're a teenager and your parents forbid you to hang out with a certain friend and you give them lip service but still you sneak around and hang with them anyway? Apparently, I was correct in my assumption because it appears that is exactly what Jon has done.
Who can blame him really? I know what he did was inappropriate at best. He is the one who committed to this marriage/arrangement and as such he should either honor that commitment or get out altogether. You truly can't have it both ways. Now I'm not saying he "did anything" with those women he has been photographed with while he hung out at bars until all hours of the morning. I'm not. However, when you're married, you should avoid even the appearance of cheating at all costs. That's one of the unwritten rules about being married. He chose to ignore that rule and now he is paying the price. Unfortunately so are the children.
I found myself on a site that had a montage of photographs of this family throughout the years. There were about 80 of them altogether. As I skimmed through them, I was struck by the fact that in every single photo, one of the twins (who knows which one) never smiled. In every single photo, she looked angry and sullen. I then thought about the episodes I had watched and it dawned on me that even on the show, this child (again I forget the child's name) was always the one that created a scene. Always the one who talked back to her mother and was rough with the smaller kids. Do her parents not see this??
Then shortly before the "scandal" broke out about Jon, I found myself flipping through channels and I saw they were on. I hadn't watched in a long while so I decided to give it a try since the kids had grown so much. To my amazement and astonishment, there they were in this million dollar home with Kate in the kitchen cooking breakfast with her perfectly coiffed hair and dressed impeccably. No sweats, tee shirts and make up free face for this "reality" mom. I'm sure every mother of 8 gets up on a Saturday and before she feeds her brood of children, puts on her makeup, dresses in designer jeans and a designer sweater and does her hair so she can cook pancakes for her children while wearing cute little high heel boots. Silly me!
I didn't watch it long because it was just sad. The kids were squabbling, Kate was dressed to kill, Jon was outside playing with the dogs and their interaction with one another and the kids just seemed all so fake and forced. Then maybe 2 weeks later the "scandal" broke and I thought "now I get it".
The kids are no longer a happy bunch of kids who seem oblivious to the cameras. Jon and Kate no longer seem to be a team. Their life no longer seems admirable or even interesting. Who cares about peeking into the lives of a family who lives in a million dollar home and wears designer clothes and their children who appear starved for affection and privacy? Not I.
There is another show on TLC about an Arkansas couple with 18 kids. A family called the Duggans. I have watched this show since its inception as well. As with Jon and Kate, I grew tired of it after a while and began to catch it about once or twice a year just to see what's changed.
These people are either Academy material or they really are a close loving family. Never do you ever hear mom and dad take barbs at one another. Never do you see the kids literally fighting to get someone's attention. The older kids help the younger kids without having to be told and seemingly without resentment.
Mom and dad don't raise their voices and they don't belittle. They dish out discipline and lessons with an even tone and follow with hugs and "I love you's". Mom and dad hug one another and praise one another (and the children) numerous times in each episode. They laugh and smile often and seem to genuinely love one another.
They also live in a very large house when on the first year or so they lived in a tiny house. However, the difference is, they built the large house and they paid cash for it as they went along. They got the entire family, their church, their neighbors, their friends and relatives involved in building this house. TLC came in after the house was maybe 60% finished and helped finish it out and decorate it but this family did the rest without the aid of "commercial backers".
Their show follows mom and dad as they go to thrift stores to buy their kids clothes and toys. It follows them to the grocery store where they buy in bulk. It follows them on family trips where they pack their old school bus with enough food and snacks that they don't have to stop at restaurants to eat. It shows them pinching every penny they come across and making every cent count.
I'm sure they get commercial "freebies" like TLC coming in and finishing their home up for them. However, it's not as in your face and prevalent as Jon and Kate's situation. I get the feeling that if I were to drive up to their front door and ask to drop off a few bags of gently worn clothing that the mom would flash that big smile of hers and thank me for the gift. I feel equally as strong that should I drive up to Kate's house and extend the same offer, I would be escorted off the property by security.
I just generally like the Arkansas family so much better. Their kids seem happy and content and well loved and well cared for. The parents are never seen without at least one kid in tow. Usually many more than one. And they seem to honestly give these kids attention. Not like Kate who seems annoyed whenever she is trying to talk to the camera and one of her kids tries to interrupt. Arkansas mom (I don't remember their first names) takes the interruption with a smile and a soft voice.
To sum up their parenting ability, I would like to go back to when they were finishing up their house. At the time TLC arrived on board the upstairs rooms had not been framed out yet. They sat down with the family and asked them how many bedrooms they wanted upstairs for the kids. The parents said they felt that was something the kids should decide. The kids had their little meeting and their decision was they wanted TWO bedrooms. One for the girls and one for the boys. There was none of this "I want my own room" stuff. They all wanted to still be in the same room with one another. Their only request was that the boys and girls not have to share a bathroom. I was blown away!
My problem with kids on reality TV is the exploit factor. It is painfully obvious to me that at least one of Jon and Kate's kids resents the exposure. She obviously wants to be able to enter her teenage years without a camera in her face and without the sign of celebrity that hangs over her head all the time. Jon and Kate are in for a world of hurt when these kids reach their teenage years. Kate will discover really quickly that she will not be able to control them and they will not respect her. She is concentrating so hard on her "career" and celebrity status that she is sacrificing her parental bond with these kids. Kids may be slow but they're not stupid. They either already know or will soon discover that they are the breadwinners in that family and they will use that to their advantage. Kate will be outnumbered and since she doesn't have the kind of relationship with her kids where they can talk about anything OFF CAMERA, she will find herself in another Jon situation whereby she won't know what they're doing until the Enquirer tells her about it. By then, it's too late.
She cut her parents off because they gave her crappy presents and don't think that her kids won't cut her off at some point for some equally stupid reason. She is raising them to be callous and materialistic and to think that they are more special than anyone else and she will unfortunately reap the rewards for her behavior.
The Duggans, I think, will get their kids raised to a certain age and then they will disappear into the sunset where they will enjoy their grand kids and each other for the rest of their lives. Mr. Duggan still sells real estate. Unlike Jon, Mr. Duggan kept a job through this entire thing. He is smart enough to know that one day this will all go away and he will still have a family to provide for.
I hate that all of this has happened to Jon and Kate, I really do. I honestly was cheering for them for the first couple of years of their show. I honestly wanted this to have the happiest of endings. Unfortunately, I don't think it will. I think Kate will divorce Jon and marry someone more befitting her celebrity status. Perhaps her bodyguard? (or maybe not - after all he is the "help") Jon will go on to live a college guy lifestyle whereby he can hang out in the bars with all these young folks and date young girls and only sporadically keep a job. Kate will belittle him every time she opens her mouth around the kids and will give her kids caustic messages to give to their daddy when they spend the weekend with him. Eventually the gravy boat will disappear and Kate will find herself (unless she marries extremely well) back working at a hospital just to keep the lights on.
It's sad and I hate it. But that's the way life goes.
But that's just me.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Life Expectancies
I recently read a brief article about the life expectancy of the rich versus the poor in our country. It didn't really go into detail as to the why's - it was just statistical. Apparently the rich, as well as, the upper middle class tend to out live the poor and lower middle class by quite a number of years.
That got me to thinking and then to writing. Why would they outlive the poor? One reason would be genetic, I'm sure. Genetics can and oftentimes is "trained". Let me explain in a very layman way.
Along with genetics, diet and nutrition would rank right up there among the reasons the rich outlive the poor. In my explanation, genetics and diet/nutrition works hand in hand.
If a person is fed a superior diet from the time they are born, their chances of attracting a myriad of diseases fall dramatically. Diseases such as heart disease, certain cancers, diabetes, osteoporosis, certain tumors, gout, even Parkinson Disease according to some articles I uncovered on the internet. Their chances of catching and dying from common illnesses which normally attack those with compromised immune systems fall off the chart as well.
As with a good breed of dog, people lineage can be bred to be superior. If a persons lineage is full of generations of well nourished ancestors, their genetics grow stronger with each new generation. Or that's what I believe anyway.
I understand that there are many rich people who die from heart disease and cancer every day of the year. However, in comparison to the poor of this country, the numbers are not exactly equal - at all.
When talking about diet and nutrition, it should be noted that fresh fruits, vegetables and chemical free good cuts of meat are not a staple on the poor person's table. There is no bowl of delectable fruit sitting on the granite countertop of the island in the kitchen for the poor or fresh vegetables sitting in the independently cooled vegetable section of their sub-zero fridge for the poor. There is generic canned corn and maybe a can of peaches in syrup in the cabinet. The fridge contains more frozen pizza's, TV dinners that were on sale and animal by-products than New York strip steaks and Halibut to be sure. Macaroni and Cheese is not a main dish in a poor person's house and it is not made with organic macaroni and freshly grated cheeses, it comes from a box with powdered "cheese" and is used as a side dish to supplement the fatty, bone shard riddled piece of meat that is being served for dinner.
Another reason for the disparity would be stress. I completely understand that rich people have stress in their lives. Everyone has stress. However, I believe there is good stress and there is bad stress. I further believe that the rich have more good stress in their lives than do the poor as well as, the knowledge and ability to participate in a variety of ways in which to effect a positive reduction in their stress levels.
Rich people stress over their jobs and whether their children will get into Harvard and whether the wife will be elected chairwoman of the auxiliary club and whether the husband has grown far too attached to his new and very pretty secretary or whether they should buy the E or the S series Mercedes. This may sound like a superficial list, but these stresses are very real to the rich. As such, they are very stressful to them. They also have the normal stresses that comes with family life.
The poor also have job stress. They stress about whether their factory or restaurant is going to lay off workers or close altogether. They stress over whether they will be able to get a job at all. They stress out over whether their welfare check is going to be cut off since their teenager got a minimum wage job at the corner "stop and rob". They stress over their children finishing high school and college just as much as the rich do. But they also stress over their children living long enough to finish high school. They stress over whether the lights will get turned off or whether they will have enough money to pay the light bill AND buy groceries. They stress over whether the doors and windows are locked securely enough that they won't be killed in their sleep by an intruder.
Do you know that in some neighborhoods in this country, people do not sleep in their beds at night? They sleep on the floor next to their beds so that if a bullet goes through their walls or windows the bed will act as a buffer zone and they won't be killed by the bullet. It's true. Iraq isn't the only war zone connected to our country.
They stress over whether or not their car will still be in their driveway when they wake up in the morning taken either by a thief or the finance company. They stress over their kids playing outside for fear of a drive by shooting or a predator on the prowl for children as the pedophiles very rarely live in the well to do neighborhoods. They stress over whether or not, the husband will come home drunk and decide to beat on the wife and kids. They stress over the wife falling off the wagon and turning back to the drugs she worked so hard to kick. They stress over the kids getting involved in drugs, alcohol and gangs and a multitude of other illegal activities and unsavory associations.
They stress over whether to pay to have their tags renewed or use the money to finish paying their rent and gamble on their ability to avoid getting a ticket before their next paycheck so they can tag the car. That is, provided they don't get a utility shut off notice in the meantime. They stress over whether the police will show up at their door before they are able to pick up the check they bounced at the Piggly Wiggly for groceries.
They stress over everyday things in life that the rich take for granted. Things such as food, shelter and safety.
The rich know how to take a break from the stress and "rejuvenate" their bodies and souls from the stress they encounter. They go on spa vacations and travel to various resorts. OR they go to their country home or their mountain home where they spend their weekends and summers relaxing by the pool or the ocean soaking up the sun and allowing the stress to evaporate.
The poor don't have this option. Nor have they gotten into a habit of taking stress busting weekends away from home. This is usually because they have never been introduced to this creature but also because they can't afford it. By the time they pay for the basics in life, their money is gone and they've already eaten into the next paycheck as well.
The poor and the working poor are always just one check away from being homeless. There are no stocks to sell or CD's to cash in or vacation homes to put on the market should they run into a cash flow problem. There is only used furniture, used cars, title pawn shops and cash advance stores to give them any emergency money.
Before I leave stress, let's cover the environmental stresses of being poor. Rich people live in beautiful neighborhoods far away from the hustle and bustle of the main drags of the city. They live on quiet streets where everyone has a beautiful house and an even more beautiful lawn with beautiful vehicles parked in the perfect driveways. Once they retire for the night, there is silence and when they awake they are able to go onto their veranda, deck or patio and sip their coffee while admiring their surroundings and the peace of their home and neighborhood. The air that they and their children breathe is the purest money can buy. Their homes are not close to dump sites or high voltage electrical lines or factories. There are no open sewer lines or rat and crackhead infested houses in their neighborhoods. Their home is an oasis of peace to which they can retreat from the stresses of the office and/or school.
The poor? Their environment is normally either on a main drag or very close to one. They endure the constant noise of the sirens, their neighbors parties, their neighbors fighting, the ever constant bass coming from the SUV with the darkened windows parked in front of their house listening to their music at 3 in the morning. As they try to sleep they listen to the sounds of gunshots and dogs barking.
When they get up and have their coffee, it's not clean air that they breathe. Their air is polluted with the many vehicles that constantly clog their streets. Chances are high that their house is close to a factory or an interstate which brings even more pollution and noise into their lives. Their street is littered with garbage thrown from vehicles and from the residue of wild dogs who have rummaged through the household garbage for food to eat. Chances are, there is at least one overgrown empty lot, vacant and condemned house and shut down business on their street. They can't allow their children to play outside without shoes because of the broken glass that litters their street.
Their environment is anything but a retreat from the stresses of the "office and/or school". Once they leave the external stresses and pull into their driveway, they have to be ready for a whole new set of stress factors that they and their family have to endure and survive.
So now that we've covered genetics, diet and nutrition and stress, let's move on to medical care.
You wouldn't believe how many upper middle class and rich people that I personally know who believe with all their hearts that medical care in this country is available to everyone and is equal to everyone. It boggles my mind.
Let me give you an example. Christina Applegate was diagnosed with breast cancer and cured due to a special type of MRI that can detect the cancer far in advance of it's "dangerous" stage thus allowing the physicians to treat it and cure it with amazing results. This special MRI is not available to those with most types of insurance. She admitted this in the article I read about this situation. She admitted that she had to write a check for the procedure in order to get it done.
Now do you think for one minute that if a poor person walked into the doctor's office that he would even tell them about this procedure? No. It would never happen because for one thing, the doctor would know that this person would never be able to afford it and for another thing the doctor that regularly treats the poor probably wouldn't even know about the procedure.
Just because you are a practicing physician does not mean that you are of the same quality as all the other doctors.
Trust me on this one. I have had insurance and I have been without insurance and as a result, I have gone to good doctors and I have gone to "cheap" doctors and the "cheap" doctors don't know as much about medicine as I do sometimes. I have used the "cheap" doctors on two occasions and on one of them, I walked in with a minor complaint and within a few days had developed the flu that was completely unexplained any other way than by my coming in contact with that doctor's office.
Years ago when I was between jobs and had no insurance, I asked around for the name of a cheap doctor because I needed a new prescription for some medicine that I took regularly for my high blood pressure and my refills had run out.
It wasn't a narcotic so I didn't feel getting a new script would be a challenge. All I needed was a cheap doctor who would give me a new script. Easy enough I thought.
I asked the check out lady at my neighborhood grocery store, I asked the guys who washed my car, I asked the lady who cleaned my friends house twice a week and whom I knew lived in the projects and required my friend to give her cash each week. She told me about this doctor on Winchester Road near Getwell who only took cash and didn't require an appointment.
So I got up one morning and dressed in my best "go to the doctor" outfit drove to this doctor's office where I stood (I was NOT about to sit) for a couple of hours waiting for my turn. The waiting room was filled to the brim. I probably couldn't have sat had I desired to due to the amount of patients waiting their turn with the doctor.
The patients waiting were colorful to say the least.
After more than two hours had passed, the door to the office opened and in walked 2 men in dark suits and 2 uniformed police officers. The men in suits walked to the receptionist window while the police officers turned to us and asked us all to leave quietly stating that the doctor would not be seeing any more patients that day.
The next day on the news there was a picture of the doctor and his office along with a short news story about how he was selling scripts for narcotics without an exam and also (as it turns out) without a valid license as his had been revoked years ago.
Why would these people go to a doctor like this when there are highly competent doctors all over town? Because he charged $20 for an office visit while my normal doctor that I used when I had insurance charged $85 for an office visit. Plain as that.
The people sitting in the waiting room of this doctor's office knew that he was a quack. They knew that there were better doctor's all over town. But they also knew that they might be able to round up $20 a whole lot quicker and easier than they could round up $85 plus the charges for any lab work or other procedures that a competent doctor might require during his exam.
This is just one example of why the poor die before the rich. When you are forced by circumstance to have your medical health "monitored" by this type of doctor, you can bet that you will either be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all should any disease be growing in your body.
When all you can put your hands on is a $20 bill, you will get a $20 diagnosis which will probably include a script for something to mask the symptoms so you can continue to clean some rich woman's house so she doesn't have to.
And don't even try to say that every major city has a "welfare" hospital and free clinics as a way of saying that medical care is equal and available to all, because if you even go there, I will scream.
Let's touch on those for just a second. First let me share another personal experience I had. My second time to use (or in this case, attempt to use) a cheap doctor. In Memphis there is a "free" clinic that is owned by a group of churches. It has highly qualified and reputable doctors and nurses who donate their time to this clinic. It is in a beautiful setting and is easily accessible for those who take public transportation.
However, if you have any type of health insurance or HAVE HAD INSURANCE WITHIN THE PAST 6 MONTHS, they will NOT see you. At all period. Also, if the company you work for offers health insurance and you don't participate (probably because you can't afford to AND pay your rent), they won't treat you.
While I was laid off from a law firm that I worked at, I developed bronchitis. I called my doctor who told me his prices and I called my friends who gave me their doctor's numbers and I got their prices and finally a neighbor who was a student and had not had health insurance for quite a while told me about the Church Health Clinic.
I called them and they told me that if I wasn't covered, the visit would be free. Hot dog!!
I took a shower and dragged my sick body to the clinic where I waited in a nicely furnished and very comfortable waiting room for my turn. After wasting an hour sitting in a waiting room wishing to God I was back home on my couch, it was my turn.
I gave them my paperwork, they looked at it and promptly informed me that since I had been covered so recently, they could not help me but if I remained uncovered for 6 months, to please feel free to come back and they would be happy to help me. WTF?!
So what did I do? I went to my regular doctor and wrote him a hot check, got a script, went to the pharmacy where I wrote them a hot check to get my medicine and then went home where I got well enough to get a job so I could pick up the checks.
Then there are the welfare hospitals. The good news is, if you get shot or stabbed or have some other kind of violent "accident", those are the very hospitals to which you want to insist on being taken. However, if you suffer from anything else, STAY AWAY! They are understaffed and poorly staffed in every other area. The emergency room is the only place in those hospitals where you will receive decent care. The rest of the hospital will likely make you sicker than you were when you checked in.
So, that's my take on the life expectancy variations between the rich and the poor. It never ceases to amaze, disgust and sadden me when I see these Hollywood stars pushing for aid to the poor of third world countries and/or politicians trying to get billions of dollars of our tax money sent to other countries so we can stamp out hunger and childhood diseases in these countries.
WHAT ABOUT US? What about the working poor in this country who are forced to die from diseases that if caught early enough or treated properly wouldn't necessarily be fatal?
People live for decades with heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes and an assortment of other diseases. People are cured every day from various kinds of cancers that were detected early and properly treated. There are many diseases that stem either directly or indirectly from improper nutrition and people in this country suffer from them every day.
Can we not be concerned for OUR people for a change?
I have a friend back home who is a pediatric surgeon. He participates in the doctor's without borders thing and goes on a trip every year in this capacity. I asked him once why he was spending his money and time operating on children in other countries for free when there are so many in this country who could benefit from his services and he told me that it was a legal issue.
He said that in the third world countries he doesn't have to worry about being sued if the end results weren't exactly what the patient and/or the patient's family had anticipated. He said that in those countries the hospitals are so thrilled to have the doctors at their facility that there is no cost for them using those hospitals whereas in this country no hospital is going to donate their facility for their use. It just wasn't financially feasible plus it would expose them to legal ramifications should the doctor get sued.
How very sad is that? How very sad that children, men, women have to die every day in this country because of our legal system? How very sad that they have to die every day while wonderfully competent doctors like my friend go to third world countries to save their citizens while our citizens die by the thousands.
But that's just me.
That got me to thinking and then to writing. Why would they outlive the poor? One reason would be genetic, I'm sure. Genetics can and oftentimes is "trained". Let me explain in a very layman way.
Along with genetics, diet and nutrition would rank right up there among the reasons the rich outlive the poor. In my explanation, genetics and diet/nutrition works hand in hand.
If a person is fed a superior diet from the time they are born, their chances of attracting a myriad of diseases fall dramatically. Diseases such as heart disease, certain cancers, diabetes, osteoporosis, certain tumors, gout, even Parkinson Disease according to some articles I uncovered on the internet. Their chances of catching and dying from common illnesses which normally attack those with compromised immune systems fall off the chart as well.
As with a good breed of dog, people lineage can be bred to be superior. If a persons lineage is full of generations of well nourished ancestors, their genetics grow stronger with each new generation. Or that's what I believe anyway.
I understand that there are many rich people who die from heart disease and cancer every day of the year. However, in comparison to the poor of this country, the numbers are not exactly equal - at all.
When talking about diet and nutrition, it should be noted that fresh fruits, vegetables and chemical free good cuts of meat are not a staple on the poor person's table. There is no bowl of delectable fruit sitting on the granite countertop of the island in the kitchen for the poor or fresh vegetables sitting in the independently cooled vegetable section of their sub-zero fridge for the poor. There is generic canned corn and maybe a can of peaches in syrup in the cabinet. The fridge contains more frozen pizza's, TV dinners that were on sale and animal by-products than New York strip steaks and Halibut to be sure. Macaroni and Cheese is not a main dish in a poor person's house and it is not made with organic macaroni and freshly grated cheeses, it comes from a box with powdered "cheese" and is used as a side dish to supplement the fatty, bone shard riddled piece of meat that is being served for dinner.
Another reason for the disparity would be stress. I completely understand that rich people have stress in their lives. Everyone has stress. However, I believe there is good stress and there is bad stress. I further believe that the rich have more good stress in their lives than do the poor as well as, the knowledge and ability to participate in a variety of ways in which to effect a positive reduction in their stress levels.
Rich people stress over their jobs and whether their children will get into Harvard and whether the wife will be elected chairwoman of the auxiliary club and whether the husband has grown far too attached to his new and very pretty secretary or whether they should buy the E or the S series Mercedes. This may sound like a superficial list, but these stresses are very real to the rich. As such, they are very stressful to them. They also have the normal stresses that comes with family life.
The poor also have job stress. They stress about whether their factory or restaurant is going to lay off workers or close altogether. They stress over whether they will be able to get a job at all. They stress out over whether their welfare check is going to be cut off since their teenager got a minimum wage job at the corner "stop and rob". They stress over their children finishing high school and college just as much as the rich do. But they also stress over their children living long enough to finish high school. They stress over whether the lights will get turned off or whether they will have enough money to pay the light bill AND buy groceries. They stress over whether the doors and windows are locked securely enough that they won't be killed in their sleep by an intruder.
Do you know that in some neighborhoods in this country, people do not sleep in their beds at night? They sleep on the floor next to their beds so that if a bullet goes through their walls or windows the bed will act as a buffer zone and they won't be killed by the bullet. It's true. Iraq isn't the only war zone connected to our country.
They stress over whether or not their car will still be in their driveway when they wake up in the morning taken either by a thief or the finance company. They stress over their kids playing outside for fear of a drive by shooting or a predator on the prowl for children as the pedophiles very rarely live in the well to do neighborhoods. They stress over whether or not, the husband will come home drunk and decide to beat on the wife and kids. They stress over the wife falling off the wagon and turning back to the drugs she worked so hard to kick. They stress over the kids getting involved in drugs, alcohol and gangs and a multitude of other illegal activities and unsavory associations.
They stress over whether to pay to have their tags renewed or use the money to finish paying their rent and gamble on their ability to avoid getting a ticket before their next paycheck so they can tag the car. That is, provided they don't get a utility shut off notice in the meantime. They stress over whether the police will show up at their door before they are able to pick up the check they bounced at the Piggly Wiggly for groceries.
They stress over everyday things in life that the rich take for granted. Things such as food, shelter and safety.
The rich know how to take a break from the stress and "rejuvenate" their bodies and souls from the stress they encounter. They go on spa vacations and travel to various resorts. OR they go to their country home or their mountain home where they spend their weekends and summers relaxing by the pool or the ocean soaking up the sun and allowing the stress to evaporate.
The poor don't have this option. Nor have they gotten into a habit of taking stress busting weekends away from home. This is usually because they have never been introduced to this creature but also because they can't afford it. By the time they pay for the basics in life, their money is gone and they've already eaten into the next paycheck as well.
The poor and the working poor are always just one check away from being homeless. There are no stocks to sell or CD's to cash in or vacation homes to put on the market should they run into a cash flow problem. There is only used furniture, used cars, title pawn shops and cash advance stores to give them any emergency money.
Before I leave stress, let's cover the environmental stresses of being poor. Rich people live in beautiful neighborhoods far away from the hustle and bustle of the main drags of the city. They live on quiet streets where everyone has a beautiful house and an even more beautiful lawn with beautiful vehicles parked in the perfect driveways. Once they retire for the night, there is silence and when they awake they are able to go onto their veranda, deck or patio and sip their coffee while admiring their surroundings and the peace of their home and neighborhood. The air that they and their children breathe is the purest money can buy. Their homes are not close to dump sites or high voltage electrical lines or factories. There are no open sewer lines or rat and crackhead infested houses in their neighborhoods. Their home is an oasis of peace to which they can retreat from the stresses of the office and/or school.
The poor? Their environment is normally either on a main drag or very close to one. They endure the constant noise of the sirens, their neighbors parties, their neighbors fighting, the ever constant bass coming from the SUV with the darkened windows parked in front of their house listening to their music at 3 in the morning. As they try to sleep they listen to the sounds of gunshots and dogs barking.
When they get up and have their coffee, it's not clean air that they breathe. Their air is polluted with the many vehicles that constantly clog their streets. Chances are high that their house is close to a factory or an interstate which brings even more pollution and noise into their lives. Their street is littered with garbage thrown from vehicles and from the residue of wild dogs who have rummaged through the household garbage for food to eat. Chances are, there is at least one overgrown empty lot, vacant and condemned house and shut down business on their street. They can't allow their children to play outside without shoes because of the broken glass that litters their street.
Their environment is anything but a retreat from the stresses of the "office and/or school". Once they leave the external stresses and pull into their driveway, they have to be ready for a whole new set of stress factors that they and their family have to endure and survive.
So now that we've covered genetics, diet and nutrition and stress, let's move on to medical care.
You wouldn't believe how many upper middle class and rich people that I personally know who believe with all their hearts that medical care in this country is available to everyone and is equal to everyone. It boggles my mind.
Let me give you an example. Christina Applegate was diagnosed with breast cancer and cured due to a special type of MRI that can detect the cancer far in advance of it's "dangerous" stage thus allowing the physicians to treat it and cure it with amazing results. This special MRI is not available to those with most types of insurance. She admitted this in the article I read about this situation. She admitted that she had to write a check for the procedure in order to get it done.
Now do you think for one minute that if a poor person walked into the doctor's office that he would even tell them about this procedure? No. It would never happen because for one thing, the doctor would know that this person would never be able to afford it and for another thing the doctor that regularly treats the poor probably wouldn't even know about the procedure.
Just because you are a practicing physician does not mean that you are of the same quality as all the other doctors.
Trust me on this one. I have had insurance and I have been without insurance and as a result, I have gone to good doctors and I have gone to "cheap" doctors and the "cheap" doctors don't know as much about medicine as I do sometimes. I have used the "cheap" doctors on two occasions and on one of them, I walked in with a minor complaint and within a few days had developed the flu that was completely unexplained any other way than by my coming in contact with that doctor's office.
Years ago when I was between jobs and had no insurance, I asked around for the name of a cheap doctor because I needed a new prescription for some medicine that I took regularly for my high blood pressure and my refills had run out.
It wasn't a narcotic so I didn't feel getting a new script would be a challenge. All I needed was a cheap doctor who would give me a new script. Easy enough I thought.
I asked the check out lady at my neighborhood grocery store, I asked the guys who washed my car, I asked the lady who cleaned my friends house twice a week and whom I knew lived in the projects and required my friend to give her cash each week. She told me about this doctor on Winchester Road near Getwell who only took cash and didn't require an appointment.
So I got up one morning and dressed in my best "go to the doctor" outfit drove to this doctor's office where I stood (I was NOT about to sit) for a couple of hours waiting for my turn. The waiting room was filled to the brim. I probably couldn't have sat had I desired to due to the amount of patients waiting their turn with the doctor.
The patients waiting were colorful to say the least.
After more than two hours had passed, the door to the office opened and in walked 2 men in dark suits and 2 uniformed police officers. The men in suits walked to the receptionist window while the police officers turned to us and asked us all to leave quietly stating that the doctor would not be seeing any more patients that day.
The next day on the news there was a picture of the doctor and his office along with a short news story about how he was selling scripts for narcotics without an exam and also (as it turns out) without a valid license as his had been revoked years ago.
Why would these people go to a doctor like this when there are highly competent doctors all over town? Because he charged $20 for an office visit while my normal doctor that I used when I had insurance charged $85 for an office visit. Plain as that.
The people sitting in the waiting room of this doctor's office knew that he was a quack. They knew that there were better doctor's all over town. But they also knew that they might be able to round up $20 a whole lot quicker and easier than they could round up $85 plus the charges for any lab work or other procedures that a competent doctor might require during his exam.
This is just one example of why the poor die before the rich. When you are forced by circumstance to have your medical health "monitored" by this type of doctor, you can bet that you will either be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all should any disease be growing in your body.
When all you can put your hands on is a $20 bill, you will get a $20 diagnosis which will probably include a script for something to mask the symptoms so you can continue to clean some rich woman's house so she doesn't have to.
And don't even try to say that every major city has a "welfare" hospital and free clinics as a way of saying that medical care is equal and available to all, because if you even go there, I will scream.
Let's touch on those for just a second. First let me share another personal experience I had. My second time to use (or in this case, attempt to use) a cheap doctor. In Memphis there is a "free" clinic that is owned by a group of churches. It has highly qualified and reputable doctors and nurses who donate their time to this clinic. It is in a beautiful setting and is easily accessible for those who take public transportation.
However, if you have any type of health insurance or HAVE HAD INSURANCE WITHIN THE PAST 6 MONTHS, they will NOT see you. At all period. Also, if the company you work for offers health insurance and you don't participate (probably because you can't afford to AND pay your rent), they won't treat you.
While I was laid off from a law firm that I worked at, I developed bronchitis. I called my doctor who told me his prices and I called my friends who gave me their doctor's numbers and I got their prices and finally a neighbor who was a student and had not had health insurance for quite a while told me about the Church Health Clinic.
I called them and they told me that if I wasn't covered, the visit would be free. Hot dog!!
I took a shower and dragged my sick body to the clinic where I waited in a nicely furnished and very comfortable waiting room for my turn. After wasting an hour sitting in a waiting room wishing to God I was back home on my couch, it was my turn.
I gave them my paperwork, they looked at it and promptly informed me that since I had been covered so recently, they could not help me but if I remained uncovered for 6 months, to please feel free to come back and they would be happy to help me. WTF?!
So what did I do? I went to my regular doctor and wrote him a hot check, got a script, went to the pharmacy where I wrote them a hot check to get my medicine and then went home where I got well enough to get a job so I could pick up the checks.
Then there are the welfare hospitals. The good news is, if you get shot or stabbed or have some other kind of violent "accident", those are the very hospitals to which you want to insist on being taken. However, if you suffer from anything else, STAY AWAY! They are understaffed and poorly staffed in every other area. The emergency room is the only place in those hospitals where you will receive decent care. The rest of the hospital will likely make you sicker than you were when you checked in.
So, that's my take on the life expectancy variations between the rich and the poor. It never ceases to amaze, disgust and sadden me when I see these Hollywood stars pushing for aid to the poor of third world countries and/or politicians trying to get billions of dollars of our tax money sent to other countries so we can stamp out hunger and childhood diseases in these countries.
WHAT ABOUT US? What about the working poor in this country who are forced to die from diseases that if caught early enough or treated properly wouldn't necessarily be fatal?
People live for decades with heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes and an assortment of other diseases. People are cured every day from various kinds of cancers that were detected early and properly treated. There are many diseases that stem either directly or indirectly from improper nutrition and people in this country suffer from them every day.
Can we not be concerned for OUR people for a change?
I have a friend back home who is a pediatric surgeon. He participates in the doctor's without borders thing and goes on a trip every year in this capacity. I asked him once why he was spending his money and time operating on children in other countries for free when there are so many in this country who could benefit from his services and he told me that it was a legal issue.
He said that in the third world countries he doesn't have to worry about being sued if the end results weren't exactly what the patient and/or the patient's family had anticipated. He said that in those countries the hospitals are so thrilled to have the doctors at their facility that there is no cost for them using those hospitals whereas in this country no hospital is going to donate their facility for their use. It just wasn't financially feasible plus it would expose them to legal ramifications should the doctor get sued.
How very sad is that? How very sad that children, men, women have to die every day in this country because of our legal system? How very sad that they have to die every day while wonderfully competent doctors like my friend go to third world countries to save their citizens while our citizens die by the thousands.
But that's just me.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mr. Man (again)
It's a good thing that no one (other than my ONE reader) knows who I really am because my posts concerning Mr. Man would probably get me locked away.
As I stated in my earlier posts, I live in a 2 story house. As I live on the decline of a large hill, the top story would actually be considered ground level and the bottom story would be considered a daylight basement.
Mr. Man made his appearance on the top floor of my house for a couple of months. My son and nephew live in the daylight basement and they never experienced anything out of the ordinary. That is until my landlord (who happens to be a preacher) sent his secretary over one day with the plumber and the secretary performed a "mini" exorcism upstairs. This was the day or so after my book case flew off the wall (written about in a previous post).
For a while everything was quiet. Then things started happening downstairs while upstairs remained quiet.
My son was in his office (downstairs) one night and began to feel odd. He thought it might be a good idea to go lay down. He got up from his desk and was walking down the hall to his bedroom when he felt something push him from behind and he fell onto the floor banging up his face, arm and leg. LOTS of blood from all three locations. He was bruised for days afterwards.
Then maybe a week later, he was in bed waking up and he distinctly heard a woman (from the other side of the bed) say "Brrr" as if she was cold. He said he was terrified to roll over in the bed for fear that he would see someone in the bed with him! (LOL) He quickly reached out and turned on his bedside lamp but he saw no one. Then as he sat up and looked around, he heard a woman say "what's your name"? He said he weakly replied to her and then beat a trail for the living room!
Yesterday, I went in to his room to see if he was okay because it was after 3 p.m. and he was still asleep. He said he wasn't able to sleep anymore. He said there are numerous shadow people down there and noises and voices.
I think that Mr. Man decided to live downstairs. Although it would appear that he brought a friend of two with him. One of which is obviously a woman.
But that's just me.
As I stated in my earlier posts, I live in a 2 story house. As I live on the decline of a large hill, the top story would actually be considered ground level and the bottom story would be considered a daylight basement.
Mr. Man made his appearance on the top floor of my house for a couple of months. My son and nephew live in the daylight basement and they never experienced anything out of the ordinary. That is until my landlord (who happens to be a preacher) sent his secretary over one day with the plumber and the secretary performed a "mini" exorcism upstairs. This was the day or so after my book case flew off the wall (written about in a previous post).
For a while everything was quiet. Then things started happening downstairs while upstairs remained quiet.
My son was in his office (downstairs) one night and began to feel odd. He thought it might be a good idea to go lay down. He got up from his desk and was walking down the hall to his bedroom when he felt something push him from behind and he fell onto the floor banging up his face, arm and leg. LOTS of blood from all three locations. He was bruised for days afterwards.
Then maybe a week later, he was in bed waking up and he distinctly heard a woman (from the other side of the bed) say "Brrr" as if she was cold. He said he was terrified to roll over in the bed for fear that he would see someone in the bed with him! (LOL) He quickly reached out and turned on his bedside lamp but he saw no one. Then as he sat up and looked around, he heard a woman say "what's your name"? He said he weakly replied to her and then beat a trail for the living room!
Yesterday, I went in to his room to see if he was okay because it was after 3 p.m. and he was still asleep. He said he wasn't able to sleep anymore. He said there are numerous shadow people down there and noises and voices.
I think that Mr. Man decided to live downstairs. Although it would appear that he brought a friend of two with him. One of which is obviously a woman.
But that's just me.
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