Tuesday, December 16, 2008
When is too old - too old?
I read a story today about a 16 year old girl who married her 26 year old boyfriend of 2 years. Yes, she was 14 when her FATHER set her up with this "boy" and now her father has signed for her to marry him. Hmmm. Made me think.
I couldn't even think about dating until I turned 16. I guess my parents (and my friends parents) thought if I'm old enough to drive, I should be old enough to date but not until then. Our parents gave us a strict 12-month leeway as to the age of any potential suitors.
When my daughter became a teenager, I allowed her to double and group date when she was 15 with a 2 year leeway - provided I knew the kids AND parents involved. We maintained the 2 year leeway until she had moved out of the house.
I understand that girls normally mature at a faster pace than boys do BUT that doesn't take into consideration the fact that boys mature SEXUALLY faster than girls do. That being said, I think the 2 year rule is on the fringe of being too large a gap.
I can't imagine when my daughter was 14 allowing her to date someone 24 especially hooking her up with him!! My goodness! Of course, she would never go out with anyone I hooked her up with anyway (Monks with a strict vow of celibacy can't date).
When I worked for customs, our departmental secretary had a lovely daughter who was 13. When I met her, I swear to you I thought she was her 20 year old sister. She was physically matured as well as socially and emotionally matured WELL beyond her years. We spoke at great length during a reception once and her goal in life was to marry, have a houseful of children and be a home maker. An admirable and tough job to want. Her mother introduced her to a Saudi Prince when she was just 13 years old and they married when she was 14. I vacillated between being appalled and being happy for her as the Prince she married was such a nice young man (he was 18), had been educated in America and was very "Americanized". The last I heard of her was about 10 years or so ago. She and the Prince were still married, living in Atlanta and had 5 or 6 kids. From all accounts a very happy family. What are the odds?
However, she is an anomaly. When a person (male or female) is 13, 14, even 18 their idea of life and what they want to do with it is vastly different than when they become 20, 25 or 30. What we cherish and love at 13 is certainly not what we cherish and love when we are 30. When I was 13 I listened to Bobby Sherman and Bobby Goldsboro (OH MY GOD!!) I still have their albums and recently I (tried) to listen to them and it absolutely was like someone was dragging their fingernails across a chalkboard! YEOW!
A parents job is to protect their children - even from themselves. This is not a popularity contest. We most of the time, are NOT popular. But it's part of the job and something that we have to do IF we love our kids. I have lived long enough to have both of my children thank me individually for protecting them from themselves at some point in their lives. Trust me, it was not an easy job. However, it has to be done. We have to endure the crying, the fit pitching, the threats of running away, the silent treatment (if we're lucky) because we, as adults, know that they will get over it and move on to the next really big important crush of their lives and the one that caused all the commotion will be a distant thing of the past.
My first really big crush was with a boy named Mike who was my band director's nephew. I LOVED him with all my heart!! I wanted to marry him and live with him forever!! I wrote his name in ALL of my books and day dreamed about him constantly. My daddy wouldn't have any of it (I was 13 or maybe 14) and daddy didn't know his parents (they lived in Dyess Arkansas which was about 30 miles or so away). PLUS he was 15 (a much older man). I pouted and whined (as much as I thought I could get away with) but my daddy stood his ground and I thought he was the meanest most horrible person in all the world!! But after that summer was over, I met my next true love, Steven and Mike was a distant memory. Years later, I discovered that Mike became a hardened drug addict and eventually committed a double homicide landing him in prison with a life sentence. Boy am I glad my daddy stood his ground.
Then I see folks like Paul Anka (67) and his 40 year old wife. They recently had a row resulting in stitches for Paul. What do these folks talk about? What do they listen to on the radio? I understand being married to a billionaire who is nearly 30 years your senior is vastly different than being married to a retired teacher 30 years your senior but still, 30 years???? To me that's gross! Male or female, it's gross. But at least when you're 40, you can marry whomever you please - but not when you're 14.
Ever notice you never see or hear about common folks doing this? I have yet in my lifetime to see a 40 year old waitress marry a 67 year old man who lives off his social security. I guess money does put a rose tint on the glasses of love.
At any rate, my opinion of any parent who would pimp their daughter out as I believe this father did, to be extremely low. Of course, I don't know these people and shouldn't make assumptions about any of them - but then again, I probably wouldn't approve if I did.
But that's just me.
I couldn't even think about dating until I turned 16. I guess my parents (and my friends parents) thought if I'm old enough to drive, I should be old enough to date but not until then. Our parents gave us a strict 12-month leeway as to the age of any potential suitors.
When my daughter became a teenager, I allowed her to double and group date when she was 15 with a 2 year leeway - provided I knew the kids AND parents involved. We maintained the 2 year leeway until she had moved out of the house.
I understand that girls normally mature at a faster pace than boys do BUT that doesn't take into consideration the fact that boys mature SEXUALLY faster than girls do. That being said, I think the 2 year rule is on the fringe of being too large a gap.
I can't imagine when my daughter was 14 allowing her to date someone 24 especially hooking her up with him!! My goodness! Of course, she would never go out with anyone I hooked her up with anyway (Monks with a strict vow of celibacy can't date).
When I worked for customs, our departmental secretary had a lovely daughter who was 13. When I met her, I swear to you I thought she was her 20 year old sister. She was physically matured as well as socially and emotionally matured WELL beyond her years. We spoke at great length during a reception once and her goal in life was to marry, have a houseful of children and be a home maker. An admirable and tough job to want. Her mother introduced her to a Saudi Prince when she was just 13 years old and they married when she was 14. I vacillated between being appalled and being happy for her as the Prince she married was such a nice young man (he was 18), had been educated in America and was very "Americanized". The last I heard of her was about 10 years or so ago. She and the Prince were still married, living in Atlanta and had 5 or 6 kids. From all accounts a very happy family. What are the odds?
However, she is an anomaly. When a person (male or female) is 13, 14, even 18 their idea of life and what they want to do with it is vastly different than when they become 20, 25 or 30. What we cherish and love at 13 is certainly not what we cherish and love when we are 30. When I was 13 I listened to Bobby Sherman and Bobby Goldsboro (OH MY GOD!!) I still have their albums and recently I (tried) to listen to them and it absolutely was like someone was dragging their fingernails across a chalkboard! YEOW!
A parents job is to protect their children - even from themselves. This is not a popularity contest. We most of the time, are NOT popular. But it's part of the job and something that we have to do IF we love our kids. I have lived long enough to have both of my children thank me individually for protecting them from themselves at some point in their lives. Trust me, it was not an easy job. However, it has to be done. We have to endure the crying, the fit pitching, the threats of running away, the silent treatment (if we're lucky) because we, as adults, know that they will get over it and move on to the next really big important crush of their lives and the one that caused all the commotion will be a distant thing of the past.
My first really big crush was with a boy named Mike who was my band director's nephew. I LOVED him with all my heart!! I wanted to marry him and live with him forever!! I wrote his name in ALL of my books and day dreamed about him constantly. My daddy wouldn't have any of it (I was 13 or maybe 14) and daddy didn't know his parents (they lived in Dyess Arkansas which was about 30 miles or so away). PLUS he was 15 (a much older man). I pouted and whined (as much as I thought I could get away with) but my daddy stood his ground and I thought he was the meanest most horrible person in all the world!! But after that summer was over, I met my next true love, Steven and Mike was a distant memory. Years later, I discovered that Mike became a hardened drug addict and eventually committed a double homicide landing him in prison with a life sentence. Boy am I glad my daddy stood his ground.
Then I see folks like Paul Anka (67) and his 40 year old wife. They recently had a row resulting in stitches for Paul. What do these folks talk about? What do they listen to on the radio? I understand being married to a billionaire who is nearly 30 years your senior is vastly different than being married to a retired teacher 30 years your senior but still, 30 years???? To me that's gross! Male or female, it's gross. But at least when you're 40, you can marry whomever you please - but not when you're 14.
Ever notice you never see or hear about common folks doing this? I have yet in my lifetime to see a 40 year old waitress marry a 67 year old man who lives off his social security. I guess money does put a rose tint on the glasses of love.
At any rate, my opinion of any parent who would pimp their daughter out as I believe this father did, to be extremely low. Of course, I don't know these people and shouldn't make assumptions about any of them - but then again, I probably wouldn't approve if I did.
But that's just me.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Caylee Anthony
I just can't get this "situation" out of my mind. Caylee lived with her mother in her grandparents house. Can anyone explain to me how she could possibly go missing for over a MONTH without her grandparents sitting Casey (the mother) down and demanding to know where the child is?? And keeping Casey on that couch until they got some answers??? I understand the grandmother finally called the police but DEAR GOD it was over a month AFTER she had last seen the child. I don't get it. I can promise you one thing. If my daughter and grand daughter lived in my house and I went 24 hours without seeing my grand daughter when my daughter was coming home to sleep, I would demand some answers and I wouldn't wait a bloody month to do it. Furthermore, she would tell ME or she would tell the police right then and right there. I think the grand parents should shoulder a large amount of the blame for this situation because they were Caylee's only other hope past her mother for protection. Obviously, poor Caylee had no protection. I say book them with assessory to murder. If I were on the jury, I'd vote for a conviction.
I just want to sob at the sadness of that poor child's short existence in this world. Children are supposed to be able to trip through their childhood discovering, learning, laughing, loving, having their "boo-boo's" kissed and above all else, feeling safe at all times. Grandma and Grandpa should be in jail right along side the daughter that they protect.
I have watched the jail house tape of the conversation between grandma and daughter and it is pathetic. You can tell that grandma was hanging on every word Casey uttered. You can tell that she is buying into this whole "very bad people took Caylee and now we are all in danger" soap opera scenario. Especially when she leans into the glass that separates her from Casey and asks "are we in danger?" (PLEEEASE) Grandpa just sits there looking bored and never utters a word.
If that were MY daughter, she would be in jail alone with no visits from me unless I could convince the jailers to let me in her cell and turn their backs long enough for me to beat the living s**t out of her. She'd tell me where my grandchild was or she'd be in the hospital - one or the other.
There comes a time when the kid gloves need to come off and political correctness needs to be ignored. And one of those times is when the safety of a small child is involved. We're not talking about stealing a car here. We're talking about the life of a child!
Casey is, and has been, playing this whole thing out like it's a soap opera and obviously enjoying every single minute.
My money is on a murder conviction - I don't think she'll fry over it but I do feel certain she will go to prison. Will her parents go visit her then? I wouldn't. I would change my name and move out of state and go to a hypnotist to forget I ever had a daughter.
But I hope they don't do that. I hope they stay in the house in front of where their grandchild's murdered body was found. I hope they are forced to think about THEIR part in all of this every time they have to mow the back yard, or look out the kitchen window while doing the dishes or putting chicken on the grill for dinner. I hope they hear Caylee's cries every night when they lay their heads on their pillows for what I hope are endless nights of fitful sleep. I hope they are reminded of their role every time they have to go to the grocery store and see folks sneaking glances at them and whispering behind their backs.
This all sounds so mean and cruel. But, I do blame them for a large part of this. It's obvious that Casey is a narcissitic sociopath. To that end, she cannot be fully blamed for what happened because in her twisted mind, she did nothing wrong. narcissitic sociopaths do not feel remorse for their actions or question their behavior because it truly is all about them and what they want and need that matters to the exclusion of all else. But the grandparents........that's another story. They had to know the daughter they raised and lived with. It's not as if she left town 20 years ago and they had no idea of the kind of person she had turned out to be. SHE LIVED WITH THEM! All parents know in their guts the kind of person they have raised and what they might be capable of. We might not want to admit it, and most parents are never put into a situation where they are forced to admit it, but we all know.
It was this gut feeling that drove the grandmother to call the police in the first place to report that she hadn't seen Caylee in over a month and that her daughter's car smelled like "death". Why she back pedalled after that, I can't guess. She NEARLY did something good for Caylee. She came really close but then backed off.
It all saddens and sickens me. Caylee deserved so much better than to be born into that family. So much better.
But that's just me.
I just want to sob at the sadness of that poor child's short existence in this world. Children are supposed to be able to trip through their childhood discovering, learning, laughing, loving, having their "boo-boo's" kissed and above all else, feeling safe at all times. Grandma and Grandpa should be in jail right along side the daughter that they protect.
I have watched the jail house tape of the conversation between grandma and daughter and it is pathetic. You can tell that grandma was hanging on every word Casey uttered. You can tell that she is buying into this whole "very bad people took Caylee and now we are all in danger" soap opera scenario. Especially when she leans into the glass that separates her from Casey and asks "are we in danger?" (PLEEEASE) Grandpa just sits there looking bored and never utters a word.
If that were MY daughter, she would be in jail alone with no visits from me unless I could convince the jailers to let me in her cell and turn their backs long enough for me to beat the living s**t out of her. She'd tell me where my grandchild was or she'd be in the hospital - one or the other.
There comes a time when the kid gloves need to come off and political correctness needs to be ignored. And one of those times is when the safety of a small child is involved. We're not talking about stealing a car here. We're talking about the life of a child!
Casey is, and has been, playing this whole thing out like it's a soap opera and obviously enjoying every single minute.
My money is on a murder conviction - I don't think she'll fry over it but I do feel certain she will go to prison. Will her parents go visit her then? I wouldn't. I would change my name and move out of state and go to a hypnotist to forget I ever had a daughter.
But I hope they don't do that. I hope they stay in the house in front of where their grandchild's murdered body was found. I hope they are forced to think about THEIR part in all of this every time they have to mow the back yard, or look out the kitchen window while doing the dishes or putting chicken on the grill for dinner. I hope they hear Caylee's cries every night when they lay their heads on their pillows for what I hope are endless nights of fitful sleep. I hope they are reminded of their role every time they have to go to the grocery store and see folks sneaking glances at them and whispering behind their backs.
This all sounds so mean and cruel. But, I do blame them for a large part of this. It's obvious that Casey is a narcissitic sociopath. To that end, she cannot be fully blamed for what happened because in her twisted mind, she did nothing wrong. narcissitic sociopaths do not feel remorse for their actions or question their behavior because it truly is all about them and what they want and need that matters to the exclusion of all else. But the grandparents........that's another story. They had to know the daughter they raised and lived with. It's not as if she left town 20 years ago and they had no idea of the kind of person she had turned out to be. SHE LIVED WITH THEM! All parents know in their guts the kind of person they have raised and what they might be capable of. We might not want to admit it, and most parents are never put into a situation where they are forced to admit it, but we all know.
It was this gut feeling that drove the grandmother to call the police in the first place to report that she hadn't seen Caylee in over a month and that her daughter's car smelled like "death". Why she back pedalled after that, I can't guess. She NEARLY did something good for Caylee. She came really close but then backed off.
It all saddens and sickens me. Caylee deserved so much better than to be born into that family. So much better.
But that's just me.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
When do other folks problems become your own?
I had a conversation the other day with a friend of mine who happens to be a landlord. She has a tenant whose husband lost his job, the wife was put on bed rest due to a high risk pregnancy (she lost the baby) and couldn't work and then a close friend of hers went missing with no one to care for her toddler child and this woman took the child in. In the midst of this, she can't pay her rent. Another thing, it's close to Christmas and COLD outside. Now, I can see the story from both sides and I have empathy for all involved. My question is, when does this tenant's problem become the problem of my friend the landlord? And further, why should it? Let's say for the sake of argument that none of the above situations were in any way, the fault (directly or indirectly) of the tenant and her husband. Should that still mean that my friend should pay her mortgage and forego collecting rent because the tenant had a really bad run of bad luck? Should the tenant even expect this? Quite honestly, I don't think the tenant's bad luck should be of much, if any, concern to the landlord as this is a business deal NOT a charitable organization and I don't think the tenant should even expect the landlord to take these things into consideration. My friend has been patient and compassionate about the situation for over a month now but how long should she have to wait until she either gets money or gets the property back so she can rent it to someone who will pay rent? Should my friend be faced with paying for the tenant to have a place to live foregoing her own family's financial needs (especially now at Christmas). When does enough become enough? It's a tricky situation when you are in a business as important as providing someone a roof over their heads. I'm not sure I'd want a dog in that fight on either side.
But that's just me.
But that's just me.
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